Homeward Bound

A look back at 2011

2011-12-31T00:40:00.002-05:00

Highlights of 2011, in no particular order:

- Graduation
- My brother's engagement to Dee, my soon-to-be SIL that I am so thankful for!
- My younger brother's relationship with his girlfriend, Ambrey
- Buying my first car (let's see if that's a highlight in 2012 when it starts needing repairs ;-))
- My youngest brother's new school, which he loves
- Adopting Reilly, our sweet, loveable Golden
- Family reunion with my dad's side of the family
- Trip to camp in the summer
- Celebrating my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary and my parents' 25th!
- Having all my mom's sisters in at the same time in October
- Family (sans older brother and his fiancee) vacation to Myrtle Beach
- NEXT conference to Orlando, Florida
- Everything that God is doing in our family
- Many more I'm sure I'll sure I think of as soon as I click "Publish Post" ;-)

The End of a Year, the End of a Season

2011-12-31T00:01:00.004-05:00

Along with countless other bloggers, here I am reflecting on the year, amazed that 2011 is coming to an end. For many people, this was "just another year," whereas for me, it was the final year in a 4 year season. On December 15th, I walked out of a local elementary school having just completed my final day of student teaching, my final day of undergraduate college. It will all become official on January 8th.

As my final day of college approached, I spent many moments reflecting on the past four years of my life. I feel like I can say these were the best four years of my life. It sounds so cliche to say I found myself, or that I changed so much, in college, but that truly is what happened by the grace of God. Entering community college in August of 2007, I was still a child, scared of what the world would bring. Now, in December of 2011, I am an adult, excited for what God will bring.

I recount the many times God was faithful in sustaining me through a day followed by sleepless nights. I think about the many car rides I shared with friends to school, the many children I got to teach, the many relationships I formed that I didn't deserve.

While I didn't "do college" the way many do, where you sleep through alarms, skip classes, get drunk on the weekends, and sleep with the guy of the week, I am able to look back on college with no regrets. The Lord was so gracious to me spiritually and academically. I believe in academic integrity, so even when it meant a possibility in lost points, I was able to be honest in all assignments, and only by God's goodness were my grades never affected even when there was certainly reason for points to be taken off (such as the time my brother deleted a video I needed and I had to re-record and turn it in late). I don't say this to brag on myself; of my own will, I could not write this testimony today. There were times I was so tempted to tweak my wording so that I was "technically telling the truth" or write an answer that someone said aloud during a test that I shouldn't have heard. But, God always prompted me to be honest, convincing me no grade was worth my integrity. I will graduate with a satisfying GPA, but more importantly, I will graduate with a testimony of God's faithfulness.

During my college years, I met friends that have become the closest and dearest to me. Friends I don't deserve, but have been blessed abundantly by. Friends who have helped me academically and spiritually, who have encouraged me when I was weak, made me laugh when I was stressed, let me cry when I was in the valleys. Friends who didn't give up on me when I was too busy to spend time with them, or when all I did was "take" because I was already "spent" by the time I got together with them.

And above the support of my friends, the support of my family, particularly my parents, was what made college possible. My parents paid for my tuition and let me live at home free of charge, so that my costs were low. Particularly during student teaching, when I was only making 45 dollars a week, they would often float me money to keep me from over-drafting and to make sure I had gas in my tank. They supported me academically. Although I'm an adult, it meant so much to me that they took interest in my academic life and expressed how proud they were of me, and they made sure I always knew that their love was unconditional and not dependent on my school performance.

To everyone who had a part in my college years, whether that means praying for me, being a friend, providing babysitting/housesitting jobs for income, encouraging me, etc., know that I am so thankful for you! I couldn't have looked on these years with the same fondness if it weren't for you.

I wish I had the words to express all my thoughts and gratitude to God for these years. But, since I don't, let me end by saying I look forward to the years ahead living out my calling as a teacher. I look at God's faithfulness to me these past four years, knowing that I will continue to be blessed throughout the job searching process and my years as a teacher. Whenever I'm tempted to doubt God's goodness, faithfulness, or love, I can look back on these years and be reminded of these things.

A Lifetime Commitment

2011-10-08T21:40:00.002-04:00

Ever since I was a young girl, I dreamed of being a wife. I couldn't wait to get married and become a mom. That desire has never gone away and is stronger now than ever before. A few weeks ago, though, I was thinking about marriage and the thought was overwhelming. The idea that, if God's plan is for me to be married, that I will find one man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Someone that I will love so much I couldn't imagine a day going by without loving him. A man I love so much that every day my love grows for him. A man who will I see at his worse and still won't want to be with anyone else. This thought seems overwhelming, likely because I haven't yet found someone to love that way. But, at the same time it excites me so much. I can't wait to find that one guy God has planned for me to be with and love for the rest of my life. Someone I grow old with and laugh with, someone I can follow and serve and support and encourage.

Then, I thought about all the people who thought they found this love, only to become discontent in the marriage. Whether after a few short years, or many long years, marriages are crumbling in this culture. We blame children, we blame work, we blame life. We're too quick to give up on things when they aren't going the right way, and this carries into marriage. Commitments aren't taken seriously. A wife gets a terminal illness so the husband chases a healthy woman. A husband goes through a busy season at work and the wife finds someone who has more time for her. Lies. Shame. Guilt. Trust is broken, and hearts are shattered. It makes me sad that we live in a culture that doesn't value marriage the way it was designed. It gets hard and we give up. Someone "better" comes along, so we walk out thinking we found the answer to a happy life. Hollywood glamorizes this. If you Google "Movies with adultery" you'll get over 4 million results. If that doesn't surprise you, how about this? If you Google "songs about divorce" you'll get over 21 million results and "movies about divorce" yields over 62 million. Songs about marriage doesn't even result in 16 million. Hollywood is making millions dollars off making infidelity funny or heart-gripping. Our children are being exposed to this twisted mindset. 2/3 of divorcing couples have minors in the home. 50% of first marriages end in divorce and who are the majority of people getting divorced? Adults whose parents were divorced. Marriages end because of "irreconcilable differences," but I'm not convinced there's such thing. This is crazy to me.

I want to fall in love. I want to love the same man more and more every day of my life. I want to be in the 50% of marriages that last, but more than that, I want to be in a marriage built on Christ asking myself, "How can I be more like Christ in this relationship? How can I love my husband the way Christ calls me to love him?"

To some, this seems like a little girl's fairytale, but to me, I truly believe it's possible because of Christ. And I can't wait for the day I say "I do" to a lifelong commitment. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse... all the days of my life.

Too Used to Sin

2011-07-06T21:58:00.004-04:00

For those that have had the joy of driving in my car (*wink*) in the past several months, you know that my car was not a luxury ride... in fact, it was quite annoying. Why? Because the roof latch broke, so the roof was constantly rattling. At times it shook so badly and was so loud that you'd think the car was about to fall apart. My carpool girls were always so gracious by saying it "isn't that bad," but I was embarrassed when people drove with me. It was awful when it came to having conversations. If the windows were down (which often they had to be, due to no working AC), it was next to impossible to do anything buy yell to communicate. I got used to it and it rarely bothered me, but I was very aware of it when people were with me, and I was always apologizing for it.

Anyway... as of last night, this is a non-issue. My dad got the part for the car and fixed it. You'd think I would have noticed right away that it wasn't rattling. But I didn't. I had gotten so used to the constant noise. However, after a bit of time into my ride, I noticed the quiet, and rejoiced in the absence of the noise.

And, it got me thinking how that constant noise is like sin in my life. Sin becomes so much a part of me that I rarely notice it until I sin around others and find myself embarrassed and apologetic. Unlike the car roof, sin is not an easy fix. At least not in my life. And even though at times I may struggle less in certain areas, I'm never immune to it. With God's help, I will continue battling sin until the day I die. But, how wonderful it is to know that at the cross my sins were paid for by the blood of Jesus. I am no longer a slave to sin. I am forgiven, always. Hallejuah!

Waiting for Life to Begin

2011-04-27T03:06:00.003-04:00

"I can't wait to do that... after I graduate."

These are the words I find myself continually thinking and saying lately. I have fallen into the mindset that once I graduate, then life will start.

"I can't wait to go on summer missions trips... once I graduate and have a real job."
"I can't wait to be more involved in such and such... once I don't have homework taking up all my time."
"I can't wait to go back to work at camp... once school it over and I don't have summer classes."
"I can't wait until I'm not so busy... after I graduate."
"I can't wait to buy a car... after I graduate."
"I can't wait to move out... after I graduate."

While I don't think there is anything wrong with me being excited about the opportunities I will have once I graduate, it is wrong that I've become so graduation-focused that I've lost sight of the many opportunities I have NOW. But, when I think about-- really think about it-- I realize that many of things I'm looking forward to are under the assumption that with graduation comes a job and a salary. That's not promised to me.

But, what it promised to me is God's faithfulness. And He is abundantly faithful to me as I write 12 page case studies...as I teach lessons that flop... as I stay up until 2 or 3 am multiple nights in a row writing papers... as I fill up my gas tank a little at a time because money is tight.

I want to be thankful and content right where I am now. As I dream of the future, I want to be content in the present. As I long for independence... I want to be content in my dependence. As I desire more opportunities to travel the world... I want to be content in my local commute to school and work.

Life has already begun... I'm not waiting on anything I need that I don't already have. Everything that has been promised to me is already being fulfilled regardless of my circumstances.

I just need to start living in these promises, not living for the future. Life is now. I don't want to waste it away in shallow dreams and uncertainties when I have big callings and promises already.

Goodbye, Molly

2011-01-08T17:56:00.004-05:00

In the fall of 2002, our beloved border collie/sheltie mix, Lady, passed away peacefully in the kennel while we were vacationing in New Hampshire. It didn't take long before we began looking for another dog, as the emptiness in the house was hard to handle.

At that time, Joel was only 10 months old, so we needed a gentle breed. Golden Retrievers fit the bill, so we began our search. Weeks upon weeks we searched online for a dog and went to adoption days through local rescues. No dog was "it" for us. Then, on December 28th, I visited the site of a Golden rescue and saw the description for Molly (Ginger, then). It was mom and dad's anniversary, so I had to wait for them to get back from their dinner date, but as soon as mom read it, we were both certain she'd be perfect. Mom called the fosters immediately and set up a time to visit right after church the next day. Right away, we knew she was the one. The kindest, gentlest dog I'd ever met. She was so good with Joel, too, which was a necessity. We found out that after we called, they had gotten several other phone calls. They wanted to keep her, but knew they had to give her up, and they told us we couldn't have been more perfect for her.

Molly had a rough beginning. Up until her rescue, she was tied up in the backyard all the time, she was flea and tic infested, and didn't know how to play. We had to teach her how to fetch, we had to prove to her we'd feed her and she didn't have to be protective of her food, we showed her that the broom was nothing to be afraid of-- we weren't going to hit her with it. In a short amount of time, she began showing her true Golden personality, and this is what we fell in love with over the years.

She was a sweetheart from the time we got her until her death. She was a trampoline for Joel when he was still a baby, and put up with so much roughness from him, never hurting him. Even this past week, when we knew she was sick and dying, she remained sweet, only grunting if we accidentally pet her where it hurt. I've never seen a more loving or forgiving dog.

I think some people may think my sorrow and tears are too excessive, but anyone that has ever known Molly, knows I didn't just lost a dog, but a friend and companion. She was there when I first started driving, got my license, graduated high school, began college, graduated from community college, went to Mexico and Russia. She was there when I came back from two summers away at camp and when I got my first job. So many "big" things in my life happened when she was here.

Even to the end, I feel like she was staying alive just for us, because she loved us so much. But, because, in return, we loved her so much, we had to put her out of her pain. This past week has perhaps been the most painful in my life. Watching her suffer was so hard. Just over a week ago she was perfectly normal and healthy, and the next thing we know she's diagnosed with cancer and just given a few days to live. She would look like she was going to die, and then she'd look like she might get better.

I am thankful we were able to spoil her during her final days. She got eggs, hot dogs, and chicken (some of her favorite foods), she got to roam the park, she got a long car ride, she had friends visit her, and it snowed on her last day. I can't help but know that that was not only God's blessing to us, but to her. While it wasn't the ideal way to start the new year, I'm glad we had one last Christmas with her healthy. I'm glad she didn't pass while my mom was on vacation. And I'm glad my brothers and I are on break from school so that we could maximize our time with her during her final days.

My dad is not an animal person, and would never let on that he loved Molly. However, last night, he even shed a few tears. If that's not evidence enough of the kind of dog she is, I don't what is. He never cries over dying animals!

The past week has been hard, but I imagine the coming days without her presence will be even harder. Her absence in my room at night while I sleep, no one by the door to greet me when I get home, no cute face looking out the window when I come downstairs in the morning, no clicking of nails on the floor to greet visitors at the door, no bark when a squirrel runs by the back door, no one to eat dropped food while cooking, no lapping of water from her bowl when I let her in from outside, all remind me of the painful emptiness. They remind me she's gone.

I am so thankful for the 8 years we had with Molly. I don't think we'll ever find as good of a dog as she.

Miss you, baby girl! You're always loved and never forgotten.

Molly

2011-01-06T21:40:00.005-05:00

This is my sweet girl, Molly. She's been diagnosed with cancer and won't be with us much longer, but she has been an absolute blessing in our lives the past 8 years. She is one form of proof that God gives good gifts to His children. :) While I'm a mess just thinking about losing her, I know that we've given her a good life and she's given us lots of love. She will be dying in peace, and for that I'm thankful.

We're making the most of her last days... giving her her favorite foods and doing some of her favorite things (car rides and parks). She's so happy during those moments and I love watching her.

Quotes

2010-12-27T21:34:00.003-05:00

I'm not feeling particularly inspired to write at the moment, but I do want to update my blog, so instead of hearing from me, here instead are 2 great quotes from those who are older and wiser than I. :)

"You can have no greater sign of confirmed pride than when you think you are humble enough." - William Law

"Beware in your prayers, above everything else, of limiting God, not only by unbelief, but by fancying that you know what He can do. Expect unexpected things, above all that we ask or think. Each time, before you Intercede, be quiet first, and worship God in His glory. Think of what He can do, and how He delights to hear the prayers of His redeemed people. Think of your place and privilege in Christ, and expect great things!" - Andrew Murray

“You’re not as bad as most.…”

2010-11-12T22:38:00.002-05:00

Those were the words that came from my professor’s mouth when I was talking to her about a recent paper I wrote. She had said that the papers our class had written were taking so long to grade because of all the grammatical mistakes we had made. Concerned, I let her know I was “worried” about it, and that was the response she gave to reassure me.

In a way, I took comfort in this reassurance. I wasn’t as bad as most. That’s good. That means, if I fail, then most everyone else is failing right along with me. At least I wouldn’t be alone in my misery. Then it hit me…

God is speaking.

Yes, He has a way of doing that. Ever so gently, the Lord was telling me something that I needed to hear. You see, too often this statement echoes in my mind when it comes to sin. “You’re not as bad as most…” And I get that same comfortable feeling once again knowing that when I’m “failing” at life, others are “failing” right along with me.

But I shouldn’t be comfortable. Where in the Bible does it say there’s comfort in knowing you aren’t as bad as most? Nowhere. The thing is, I am not only just as bad, I’m worse than most. And there’s certainly no comfort in knowing that others are dishonoring God in the way they live their lives, too.

The good news, however, is that because of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, I’m going to spend eternity with my Father. Yes, my wickedness put Him on the cross, but yes, his mercy and love saved me on that same cross. My sin that put Jesus on the cross is the same sin that I am forgiven of on that cross. Hallelujah!

I’m still bad… I still mess up… but by the blood of the Lamb, I’m saved… I’m loved… I’m forgiven.

Post-NEXT

2010-06-02T14:32:00.005-04:00

Well, I just got back from a beyond amazing weekend in the city for the NEXT conference. I went into it excited to see how God would work, but not wanting to expect too much for fear of disappointment. However, God had crazy plans! :)

I could go on and on about everything that happened, but will instead highlight some major points for me:

* Greeting-- I got to be be a greeter again this year and had so much fun. From traffic officers to strangers on the street (interesting conversations, I'll leave it at that, haha) I will treasure those first moments at NEXT this year.

* From Josh Harris' Message- My major conviction here was that what I said I believed about God was definitely not lining up with how I was living my life. I would say I trust God in all areas and know He is good and will provide. But some areas of my life definitely did not show that. Also, I came away from this really wanting to study doctrine more and for myself, and not always run to my brother for answers as the easy escape.

* From Kevin DeYoung's 1st Message- That I will not remember every message I listen to and will not always be excited about quiet times (may even find them boring), but that I still need to keep sowing and remember that God is at work (which I think ties in with CJ's message).

* From CJ's Mahaney's Message- What really stuck out with me in this message is that I have to contribute to Sanctification. Yes, God has the power to change us, but we have to do our part. Too often I get tired of fighting sin and really just want to say, "Okay, God, I've battled this sin long enough and nothing is changing. Please just bless my efforts thus far and take away the struggle. I'm done." But, that's so NOT how it is. So, even though it's obvious, it was a good reminder and really encouraging.

* From Kevin DeYoung's 2nd Message- I don't want to go into why this one was so convicting for me, but it really was. It really made me examine my heart a lot.

* From Jeff Purswell's Message- I just really got excited about the end times after this message (not in a morbid way, though). I rarely read about it or hear messages about it, so for me this was probably the first time I learned about the end times. It was so good!

* From community group- how good quiet times can be and how to have an effective one. Reading the passage multiple times is a major must-do for me because I get distracted easily. Other really helpful stuff, too. :)

* Family groups- loved the people in my group and I really felt we related well and had a lot in common. Great, humble, encouraging leader, too. I'm sad we didn't exchange contact info, but maybe I'll get to see some of them next year. :)

*Affinity groups- got to meet and hear from teachers and soon-to-be teachers about what it's like to be a Christian teacher in a public school.

* Fellowship-- lots of good conversation with old and new friends.

* Fun and memories-- this weekend holds so many funny and dear memories for me that I hope I won't soon forget.

If you can make it next year, I highly recommend it. It's going to be in Orlando!!! :)

Messages available online and they are definitely worth listening to.

Am I as Excited about God as many people are about Lost?

2010-05-24T00:12:00.007-04:00

After reading through status after status on Facebook about the Lost finale, I was prompted with the question, "What if I got as excited about God as these people do about Lost?"

Can you say conviction? I personally am not a Lost fan (and not because I don't like it, but just because I've never seen it. However, I can definitely replace Lost with shows that I like.

What if I looked forward to going to church as much as I do about the Amazing Race?
What if I enjoyed my daily reading of the Word as much as I enjoy Modern Family?
What if singing songs of worship to God made me as happy as watching the Bachelor(ette)?

What if I really lived every day as if God was the most important part of my life? I say that He is, and I do love Him, but when I really think about it, what I tend to get most excited about are the fleeting pleasures of the world.

I'm not saying I'm never excited about church, the Word, or worshiping God. And I'm not saying I live for TV. However, I almost always look forward to watching these shows, but I don't always look forward to opening my Bible, getting out of bed and ready for church, or singing songs that seem "old" or "overplayed". Yet, these TV shows didn't die for me. They don't love me. They have no compassion for me, nor extend grace or forgiveness to me. Jesus did. And He is the one I should ALWAYS (every single second of my life) look forward to learning from and about, singing to, and worshiping.

Lord, may I ALWAYS be as excited about you and your Word as I am about certain TV shows. Let me be completely consumed by you so that TV, when seen in it's rightful place, cannot compare to what I have in you. Please forgive me for the many times I have found greater pleasure in watching shows that dishonor you than I do in worshiping and honoring you, the one who gave your life for me.

Why I'm Graduating from Community College

2010-05-19T21:20:00.003-04:00

I feel kind of silly doing it. I mean, I just completed my first semester at the university, so why would I go back to graduate from the school where I only completed the first half of my undergraduate degree? Well, because to me, it was more than just a school.

When I remember my time at HCC, I remember how God worked in my life. I remember the fear I had of college. In high school I would dwell on and dread the fast approaching college years, wondering how a shy girl would ever survive. Yes, I even had a mini panic attack one night. I figured it was only four years of my life though, and I could trudge through it, no matter how much I hated it. However, I came to love college. I loved my classmates, my professors, my commute, my campus, my friendships, my experiences; everything. I grew so much as a person and as a Christian.

As I remember my time at HCC, I remember having my Savior attacked by a professor. I remember sitting there, too fearful to defend the One who gave His life for me.

I remember my honors Sociology class with a peculiar mix of people, where I met one of my dearest friends, Amy. I remember the first conversation we had, she asked me if I took a Mother-Daughter self-defense class (I guess I have a twin out there). I hadn't, but from that day on, the ice was broken and as we talked, we learned, pretty much from the beginning of our friendship, that we shared a love for Christ. Since then, we've become closer. She really lives out what it means to be free and forgiven in Christ. I feel I learn more about God and His love every time I'm with her. Few people I know are as real and honest as Amy. Oh, and in that class I think we shared more notes than we took, but we both ended up with A's, so it's all good. ;-)

I remember Biology, a class I shared with my friend Karen and the class where I met my friend Roger. I learned little about biology, but I did learn that God is amazing in how he works. Through Roger I got involved in a house church, and through my time at the house church, I really saw the love of Christ lived out. The church is a family, they love each other so much, yet welcome in strangers as their own kin. The 9 months or so that I went on a regular basis was one of the times in my life that I felt the most in love with God, and I believe God worked through these dear people to encourage me in my faith. I felt so loved. I've gotten busier with school and life and rarely make it to the house church, but when I can make it, I am welcomed back with open arms of love. Oddly enough, that was Roger's only semester at HCC, but I see how God had our paths crossed so that I could meet some amazing people.

I remember my Visual and Performing Arts class and my Interpersonal Communication class; the classes I dreaded the most, but ended up loving the most. I've never had so much fun with school assignments as I did working on a Hawaii culture assignment (VPA) and visiting an elderly care facility (IP Communication). I see how God worked in me through that, to show that He works out everything for my good.

I remember how God through worked college to show me I have nothing to fear. The years I prayed that God would change me and take away my fear of talking to people were answered. The girl who entered HCC in the fall of 2007 is not the same girl who will be graduating tomorrow.

I remember the conversations I had with friends-- the silly and lighthearted to the deep ones that involved tears and seeing God at work. I remember the Campus Christian Life Club meetings and events (especially the Gingerbread house decorating event and the free hot chocolate outreach). I remember the spring fling. I remember my first "school dance" (no dates, just a winter swing dance with friends that I almost didn't go to, but had an amazingly fun time). I remember my professors. I remember barely passing History, getting my first C. I remember having a class with a girl who lost one of her parents, and another class with a woman whose husband had a stroke. The classes surrounded these women with support and I knew I was in a good place if anything happened to me. I remember the "parking game" (which every college commuter should know, ha). I remember my car accidents on the way to school. I remember many late nights of studying. I remember moments of God's grace... over and over and over, never once deserved.

I'm sure I have more memories that I'm just not remembering (what else is new?) at the moment. I am excited to graduate tomorrow, no matter how silly it seems. As I hear my name called and walk across that stage to receive my diploma tomorrow, I will be reminded of all these things and more. I never thought I would come to love a school, especially a college, so much. Yet, HCC carries so many good memories for me, and I am blessed to have had it as a major part of my life for the past 5 semesters.

Free Registration to NEXT

2010-05-01T23:12:00.003-04:00

I just found out that 5 people can win free registration to the NEXT conference. Read about it here.

I know at least a few people who have expressed how much they want to go, but really can't afford it. I hope someone I know wins one of these free registrations, because it truly was one of the best conferences of my life. I could go on and on about what God taught me through the experience, but I'd rather keep this short and hope you can experience it for yourself. :)

One Reason I LOVE Kids

2010-04-27T00:18:00.004-04:00

My professor handed these out to us in class today. Enjoy the laugh!
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A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.

Better to be safe than…………Punch a 5th grader

Strike while the …………………Bug is close

It’s always darkest before……… Daylight Savings Time

Never underestimate the power of……Termites

You can lead a horse to water but……how?

Don’t bite the hand that………… looks dirty

No news is…………………………impossible

A miss is as good as a…………… Mr.

You can’t teach an old dog new………math

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll……stink in the morning

Love all, trust……………………me

The pen is mightier than the………pigs

An idle mind is………………The best way to relax

Where there’s smoke there’s…pollution

Happy the bride who……………gets all the presents

A penny saved is………………… not much

Two’s company, three’s…………the Musketeers

Don’t put off till tomorrow what…you put on to go to bed

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and……you have to blow your nose

Children should be seen and not…spanked or grounded

If at first you don’t succeed………get new batteries

You get out of something what you…see pictured on the box

When the blind leadeth the blind…get out of the way

Questions

2010-04-09T00:53:00.003-04:00

I could have written this if I had talent (in other words, it sums up how I've been feeling). Oh, and know that I am in no way saying that I can relate to losing a child. I can imagine that's one of the hardest things to go through, but I definitely have other aspects in my life and leave me asking similar questions.
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Who are You God
For You are turning out to be
So much different than I imagined

And where are you God
Cuz I am finding life to be
So much harder than I had planned

Know that I am afraid
To ask these questions
But You know they are there

And if you know my heart
The way that I believe you do
You know that I believe in You
Still I have these questions

Like How could you God
How could You be so good and strong
And make a world that can be so painful

And where were you God
I know you had to be right there
I know you never turn your head

You know that I’m confused
By all this mystery
You know I get afraid
But if you know my heart
As completely as I trust you do
Oh you know that I trust in you

Is it true
that for every tear I cry
You cry a thousand more
Cuz you weep for those that weep

And are you, just holding yourself back
From crushing all the pain and evil in this world
For reasons we just cant understand for now
But isn’t there a day of redemption coming
Ohhh
Redemption is coming
Ohhh

Quickly Lord, come quickly
Lord, come quickly
Ohhh
Ohhh

So who am I God
That you would raise me from the dust
To breathe your life and your love in me
You know that I believe

- Steven Curtis Chapman ("Questions" from the "Beauty Will Rise" CD)

X-Ray Questions

2010-04-01T15:18:00.002-04:00

Found these "X-Ray Questions" today and thought I'd share the link in case anyone else is interested in using them for self-evaluation or getting to know others.

I Wear a Bib

2010-03-25T13:59:00.005-04:00

I saw this bib and it made me think about how I wear this bib every day. Not literally, of course, but metaphorically. I walk around trying to make everything about me. I want everything in my life centered around me; I want my needs (read "wants") met, I want to do what I want, I want others to recognize me... me, me, me.

However, my hope is that one day, by God's grace, the bib I wear will say, "It's all about Him!"

The Silversmith

2010-03-24T16:35:00.001-04:00

This may be old, but I just heard it for the first time yesterday at Bible study. It gave me chills. :)

THE SILVERSMITH

Some time ago, a few ladies met to study the scriptures. While reading the third chapter of Malachi, they came upon a remarkable expression in the third verse:

"And He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver" (Malachi 3:3).

One lady decided to visit a silversmith, and report to the others on what he said about the subject.

She went accordingly, and without telling him the reason for her visit, begged the silversmith to tell her about the process of refining silver. After he had fully described it to her, she asked, "Sir, do you sit while the work of refining is going on?"

"Oh, yes ma'am," replied the silversmith; "I must sit and watch the furnace constantly, for, if the time necessary for refining is exceeded in the slightest degree, the silver will be injured."

The lady at once saw the beauty and comfort of the expression, "He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

God sees it necessary to put His children into the furnace; but His eye is steadily intent on the work of purifying, and His wisdom and love are both engaged in the best manner for us. Our trials do not come at random, and He will not let us be tested beyond what we can endure.

Before she left, the lady asked one final question, "How do you know when the process is complete?"

"That's quite simple," replied the silversmith. "When I can see my own image in the silver, the refining process is finished."

-Author Unknown

Satisfy

2010-03-21T18:07:00.002-04:00

I was reading this journal entry from Mike Donehey (from the band Tenth Avenue North) and found his closing thoughts particularly encouraging:

Do you know that?
Do you know that your heart is too big for this world?
Have you rested in God as the source of your heart’s longing?
Or are you still clinging to the lie that your soul is small enough to be satisfied by this world?
Have you considered Moses’ prayer in Psalm 90,
“Satisfy me in the morning with your unfailing love?”

I love that prayer, because it shows us that Moses knew his own heart.
He knew how much joy He was made for, and He knew that if He didn’t get God
to come and pour into the canyon of his heart first thing in the morning, that he would
go running after pebble like substitutes.
Satisfy me in the morning! In the morning!
And then, and this is the hard part,
if you don’t feel satisfied, don’t go running after substitutes.
Just wait.
Sit right there, content in your discontentment, and say to God,
“Alright look. I don’t feel satisfied by you right now, but one thing I know,
no matter what else I run to, it’s not gonna do it for me anyway, so I’m gonna wait for you.
Teach me O Lord, to know deeply that I’m not home here,
Teach me that all this world offers, and all the good things you’ve given us to enjoy,
they may be good, but they’re not the ultimate.
They’re not you.
Only you can satisfy.

“Taste and see the Lord is good.
How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.”
-Psalm 34:8

Go here to read the whole entry (it's long, but it's good).

If I could I would...

2010-03-18T23:35:00.003-04:00

* Make a way for every country to have clean water
* End the HIV/AIDS epidemic
* Make sure every child learned to read
* Have the gospel preached in every corner of the earth
* End abortion forever
* Improve the financial aid system
* Give every orphan a home
* Assure that no one ever gets abused

What would you do if you could?

Babysitting Funnies

2010-03-17T22:45:00.004-04:00

As most everyone knows, all the kids I babysit are adorable. But, they are also funny. Here are two stories from today's jobs:

Babysitting job one:

Since the weather was GORGEOUS today, we walked to the playground. On the way back, the girls kept stopping to look and bugs and leaves and whatnot. Then the 3 year old girl picks up two little dirt clumps (or acorns, or something that I couldn't really make out). "I want to take these home," she said. "Okay, that's fine, what are they?"
"Two poops." She says (and yes, this is the same girl who starts crying when she SEES a bug) Then, to make this story even funnier, I decided that I wanted to text myself a reminder of this story, so I could write about it later. So I send a text that says "Two poops" to myself... or so I thought. In actuality, I sent the text to my friend! As soon as I clicked "send" I realized what I had done, and apologized profusely. I am so thankful for her sense of humor, because the text I get back is "Hahahaha! That made me laugh so hard! Lol!" She's known me longer than most people I know, so of all the people I could have accidentally sent it to, she's the best. :)

Babysitting job 2:
I was putting the little girl (3 years old) to bed and said something about her mom and dad, and she immediately corrected me, saying, "Do you mean my mother and my father?" I told her "mother" this story, who said she never calls them that. :)

One of the many perks of babysitting: plenty of moments to laugh.

Cars and Guys: A Weird Comparison

2010-03-01T00:53:00.002-05:00

Let me forewarn you that because of the weirdness of this post, I have debated with myself for awhile about whether I should post it or not. I finally decided to just go ahead, but please see my point in this, as lame as the comparison may be.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

My car has issues. Lots of them, actually. Two of the tires leak air like crazy, which means I (or my wonderful dad) have to pump them every few days. The lights in the back seats are messed up. The leather seats are ripped and in less than good condition. The passenger side seat belt often gets stuck. The car shakes really bad around 55 MPH, so I usually try to drive under 55 or over 60. The roof leaks when it rains (and for 2-3 days following if there was a lot of it). The cassette player doesn't work (meaning I can't play my iPod through the speakers that way), the CD player was jammed for months, and just recently started working. I have a smashed head light from someone letting a cart fly into it. My antifreeze leaks a lot. My shocks are shot, so I had them removed (but not yet replaced). It also used to be super loud, but that problem did get fixed recently. Oh, and it sometimes stinks. And I'm sure there are various other issues that I can't think of at the moment. However, despite all these problems, I LOVE my car. And, I think I love it just as much, if not more, now than when I first got it 2 years ago. The novelty of having a cute, little car hasn't warn off. I love driving it, especially on warm spring and summer days when I can put the top down. Sure, it can be an inconvenience to take care of at time, and it takes more work than other cars do, but I plan on driving it until it dies, because I love it-- and not just because it gets me where I need to go.

That leads me my point in all of this. After pondering all these things about my car, and realizing it doesn't change the fact I enjoy it so much, I realized that I want to have this kind of relationship with a guy someday. I want to be with a guy that has his problems, yet I still love him more and more the longer I am with him. I want to be with him until one of us dies, and not just because he does things for me. I want to be with a guy where the novelty of being together doesn't wear off after the wedding. Basically, what it comes down to, is I want to be in a marriage that honors God, and designed and purposed and blessed by God.

At this point, you may think I've completely lost my mind comparing a love for a human to that of a love for an object. But, that's not at all what I'm saying, so please hear me out. I, in no way, love my car the way I love any human. I don't really have any enemies, but if I did, I would still love them more than my car, because the value of a human can never and should never be compared to the value of an object. While I'm sure you may now never want to be associated with me again, I do hope you can see my point in this odd comparison. And before I end this, let me reiterate that I am:
1) NOT idolizing my car, but I do appreciate and enjoy it
2) NOT saying that I love my car as much as I love a human

(And yes, I think I did spend half the post trying to explain myself so that you won't all label me a weirdo ;))

Spam

2010-01-28T11:59:00.001-05:00

Not that a lot of people comment, but because of too many spam comments on my blog, I have added the word verification option. Sorry for the inconvenience this causes those of you who do comment, but hopefully you understand.

Free Stuff on Craigslist

2009-12-31T20:38:00.003-05:00

I like to visit Craigslist free section, hoping that one day there may be something I want... but usually the ads just serve as a way to make me laugh over the ridiculousness of what people want to get rid of. I honestly think some people just don't want to make a trip to Goodwill or the dump, so they stick it on CL. Enjoy! And yes, these are all REAL ads by REAL people, I'm not making these up. (Some ads are local, some I found in random cities)

- This couch is not perfect...but it's free so what the heck! Stained/yellowed and covered in cat/dog hair and the padding is not as amazing as it once was...but hey...FREE! It's not bad, just not great. I would have loved to have it when I was a staving college kid, and I am guessing there might be others out there who feel the same. It doesn't smell and no one peed on it, so man, what a deal! I hate to just throw it away when it's not broken, so I really hope someone comes and gets it!

- Bought at the end of summer and never used. Full gallon of cherry cider unopened.

- White Kenmore washing machine. New Jan/04. Will not spin or wash. We have a new one, it's your to figure out.

-3 empty russel stoffers heart boxes. good for refilling for valentines day or craft projects.

- Free - space heater (non-working) and shower rod

-I have a toilet with a weeble wobble stuck in it. The tank is fine, but the base is probably done, we replaced the toilet.

-White, GE dishwasher free to anyone who will pick it up. Was in working condition before being removed

- Box of Firearm Magazines. Good reading when its to cold to go to the range.

- FREE ELECTRIC TREADMILL... WAS WORKING AND NOW IT JUST RUNS A FEW MOMENTS AND SHUTS OFF.

- Awesome robin egg blue toilet. Works fine, like an old toilet. It's free.

- was half of a sectional, but gave the other half away a long time ago

- I cooked a little 8lb turkey for Christmas but my family didn't make it in. I really don't like turkey. Its all cooked - just with garlic salt and butter. I did take some of it off and fed it to a stray dog otherwise it is perfectly fine. I DON'T want to just throw it out. SO if someone can use it for soup or food for their pets I would be very happy to give it to you. It's still in the pan I cooked it in.

Parental Influence: Part 2-- Choosing Friends

2009-10-15T22:31:00.004-04:00

The second thing I appreciate about my parents is their influence on me to choose godly friends. Whenever someone asks me what it is that my parents did in raising me that helped me the most (or a question along those lines) the thing I always find myself saying is their encouragement to choose godly friends.

I grew up with Christian friends who later in life seemed to stray from the narrow path. Although difficult to give up the close bond, my parents would often talk to me about the influence those friends could possibly have on me if I continued spending so much time with them. It's not that I sat down with these friends and told them they were influencing me negatively and I had to stop hanging out with them. No, thankfully nothing as hard as that. It seemed that as our priorities changed, our paths naturally went different directions so the parting was easier. No hard feelings are there... I still talk to these people occasionally and I still love them, but in order to grow closer to God, I needed to spend my time with friends who would encourage me to seek God, not guys. I needed friends who would challenge me on sin issues, not tell me it was okay because no one's perfect.

Don't hear what I'm not saying. I am NOT saying I disassociate with all non-believers or even more spiritually immature Christians. Absolutely not! But non-Christians are not my closest friends. They are not the ones I have deep heart to hearts with because there isn't that foundation in Christ. The friends I try to spend the most time with are strong Christians who encourage me, or whom I can encourage.

One of the hardest things I have gone through (and I've gone through it more than once) is seeing a godly friend stray and become enchanted by the world. Not to say I'm above this, or too spiritually mature to give into temptation. In fact, I fell hard my first semester... but I thank God for that because I now realize that I'm not as strong as I thought and I can't withstand temptation the way I thought I could ("Be careful if you think you stand, you just might be sinking"- Casting Crowns). It's only by God's grace that I saw my sin that first semester (and many times since then, often through godly friends). It's a continual battle and it helps to fight this battle with armor bearers in the form of godly friends, who are right beside me encouraging me to keep fighting, reminding me of the truth of the Gospel, and offering to carry my burdens with me. What a gift!

I appreciate, beyond what I could express with words (surprising, I know, given the length of this post!), my parents encouragement to seek godly friends, to make them the ones I spend the most time with. These aren't just peer friends, but friends who are older and younger. I have been encouraged by the high school girls I hang out with and I've also been encouraged by friends in their 30s and beyond.

So Dad and Mom, thank you for your encouragement to seek godly friends. Even though it's been hard to let the bond of certain friendships weaken, I know that it was best for me, because I have grown closer to God as I have witnessed other friends follow hard after God, and I wouldn't have gotten that with certain friendships.

I love you both and appreciate your example and encouragement in these two areas. :)

Parental Influence: Part 1--Tithing

2009-10-15T22:07:00.009-04:00

***I was going to make parental influences one post and mention two things, but I decided instead of scaring people away with a long post, I would break it into two parts. ***

For awhile I have wanted to share two things I appreciate about my parents and what I have learned from their example that carries into my life that has been a blessing to me. This is part one.

I first want to talk about how my parents are excellent examples of giving to the Lord through tithe. They don't view their money as theirs, but understand that "their" money ultimately belongs to the Lord. For as long as I can remember, my parents have faithfully tithed. Never have I heard them complain about it, or view it as an option. They don't do it dutifully, but with joy. As long as I've been making money, they have encouraged me to tithe, and I can say that the joy I see in them through giving to the Lord through the local church, has poured into my life and so I can now give with joy. When I get my tithe statement from the church and see the amount I could have had for myself, there is that moment of thinking about all I could have done with that money, but that is short lived when I compare it to the fruit that comes from sowing into the Kingdom. They also never let tithe be an issue between them. I never hear my dad discourage my mom from writing the check, nor does my mom ever question my dad on giving. I have seen my parents take turns writing the check, never with reluctance. Their shared view on the importance is an example to me and has shown me the importance of marrying a man who has the same views on tithing.

So parents, NEVER underestimate how much of an impact your tithing has on your children, no matter their age. I can hear about the importance of tithing all I want, but to see my parents' example has been more impacting than probably any message I've ever heard on it (not said to discount the importance of messages on it).

Dad and Mom, thank you SO much for your godly example of tithing.

Back from Camp

2009-08-18T11:42:00.002-04:00

I've been home over two weeks now, so it's about time I write a little about camp.

* The thing that I came away with the most was a greater appreciation for the Gospel. I was surprised at how many of my campers didn't know what the Gospel is. Some could tell me what it was, but had never heard it called the Gospel. Many thought it was the Bible or Matthew/Mark/Luke/John. I love how our church and church school talk about the Gospel all the time and that kids hear it at a young age.

* I had amazing campers. I was so thankful I got blessed with some of the best campers. Seeing what some of the other counselors had to deal with made me appreciate, even more, the campers I had. I did get some of the loudest campers, no doubt. And I think it was my girls that most often resulted in a guy counselor coming upstairs to tell us to be quiet. But, I'll take a little noise over what could have been.

* A wonderful family to spend my weekends with. I was so beyond blessed to have met this family (he pastors the Sovereign Grace church in Altoona). I don't know that I've ever met a more hospitable family. They invited me into their home and family. They never once gave me the impression I was imposing on them, even though I was. I was able to do my laundry there whenever I wanted. I spent most Saturday nights and they were always enjoyable. Mrs. Kurtz was always so encouraging and always ALWAYS pointed me back to Christ no matter what we were talking about. I left there wishing I was as close to my pastors' wives as I was to Mrs. Kurtz. I really could say so much more, but it's hard to put into words what this family means to me.

* My fellow counselors were such a blessing. Going into this, I only knew my friend Hannah. As the summer progressed, I really came to love the people I worked with. I obviously got to know some more than others, but even the ones I don't know that well are still dear to me. The girls, especially, were great at making me feel welcomed as 1 of 2 new girls. I really wasn't sure how I would do getting to know people and I definitely do regret not getting to know certain people better, but I can't change that now and I'm still thankful God brought them into my life.

* We had one-on-ones with each of our campers each week. These were some of my favorite times. At the end of a long day of activities and constant noise, I got to sit down with a camper individually and talk to them one-on-one. I had several campers this summer and without these one-on-ones I probably wouldn't know a whole lot of deeper issues going on with them. These quiet moments of talking to them without other people listening in meant so much to me.

* I had many opportunities to test how content I was being single. There were budding relationships, dating relationships, engagements, a bridal shower, and a couple getting married at the end of the summer. 6 months ago I would have been extrememly jealous, but this summer proved to me that God has done so much in my heart to bring me to a place of contentment with my lot in life. Whether I stay single for a long time or single forever, I feel content with that, knowing it's God's plan for my life. While I still have a strong desire to be a wife and mom, I have a stronger desire to love God and accept His plan for my life.

So much else happened this summer that I won't even get into since this is already lengthy. I left camp knowing, without a doubt, that this is what God wanted me to do this summer. Everything I felt God was calling me to do was wrapped into this experience. I would love to go back next summer, but it's too far away to know now if it's something I can do again.

Going away

2009-05-31T20:54:00.002-04:00

Who knows if I'll post again before I leave. So, I wanted to give a little life update.

1) SEMESTER IS OVER!

2) Today I went to my church for the last Sunday until August 9th. I'm going to miss my church and my church family so much, but I'm thankful for Sovereign Grace churches, because even while I'm away I'm still able to attend one near camp. :)

3) I leave in 4 days. Craziness... it's hard to believe.

4) I'm really busy right up until I leave:
Monday- 8-12ish= babysitting, 12:30-4ish= out with the high school girls, 5-who knows when= time with grandparents.
Tuesday- 8:30-5= work, 5:30-rest of the night= laundry and start packing
Wednesday= packing, packing, packing! 7:30-10:30ish= babysitting
Thursday= LEAVING!

5) Don't ask me why I filled my schedule so much right before I leave for 2 months, but that's me. I'll learn one day. Maybe.

Ummm...it's pathetic, but that pretty much sums up my life right now.

Oh, yeah, how could I forget...I went to NEXT for the very first time and it was AMAZING. But, it deserves a post of its own, which I don't have time for right now.
Listen to the messages, they're incredible. Really, they are. Believe me.

Well... I'm going to go read. Because that's what everyone should do when they have tons of other stuff they need to do to get ready for go away but don't feel like it, right?

Prayer

2009-05-15T15:19:00.004-04:00

Lately I have been thinking about prayer. When I think of prayer, two things I immediately think are:
1) How I don't pray enough
2) How I don't like praying in groups because I feel my prayers are inadequate

Starting with number 1, this is obviously a big deal. I pray often, but I don't pray for long periods of time. I find myself not telling people I'll pray for them, because I don't want to lie (saying I'll pray when I'm pretty sure I'll neglect to do so). Not that there is anything good in not telling people I'll pray for them, but the people I do tell can be assured I AM praying for them. That doesn't bring comfort though. I know I need to pray for people more. My dedicated prayer times (meaning not the quick ones before a meal or before a test) are during my devotions, when I write my prayers out in a journal. I really love doing this, but I find myself slacking in praying during my devotional time. Any suggestions for developing a habit of regular dedication to sincere prayer?

The 2nd one is a major pride issue. When I pray in groups, it's nothing like how I pray when I'm by myself. I have the tendency to feel that people are judging my spirituality based on how godly my prayers sound. Then, I end up "messing up" my prayers, which leads to me thinking that now everyone in that group knows I must not be that spiritual because I can't even talk to God the way a true Christian should. I'll rehearse prayers in my head so I can be sure that it comes out the way I want it, but of course, I don't remember everything so I end up tripping over my words. It's pathetic that I feel talking to God is a performance. That's the only thing I can think of that would explain why I feel so comfortable talking to God when it's just me and Him. In a group I feel as if I'm on a stage talking to someone in front of a bunch of people. My "private conversation" with God is suddenly being heard by others and I think that makes me even more nervous. Am I the only one who struggles with this? Do you have any encouragement in overcoming this fear of man?

Four Weeks

2009-05-03T17:18:00.002-04:00

In just over four weeks, on June 8th, I leave for 2 month to serve as a counselor at a Christian camp (I'm leaving camp name and location out off here for safety reasons).

Back in the fall I had begun asking God what I should do this summer. I had prayed about going back to Mexico to serve at Rancho3m, returning to Russia, and even thought about going back to Michael's as a second job. However, I wasn't feeling any comfirmation about the Lord's will with any of those options. Throughout all those prayers, however, I did feel like I was being called to work with younger girls, get out of my comfort zone and familiarity of life, and to meet new people.

When finals ended, I took a personal day trip of sorts to a semi-secluded park and prayed fervently for many things, one of which was clear direction on what to do this summer. That was on December 18th.

On December 20th, two days later, I went to spend the weekend with my friend, Hannah. She was telling me all about this camp she works at each summer and said there was an opening for a girl counselor. Could this be what I was being called to? Could this be why all the other doors seemed to be closing? So began more time of praying and seeking my parents input.

The more I prayed, the more I felt this was God's calling. However, I wasn't going to go if it was something my parents disproved of. I figured they'd be cool with it. Not so. They shut down the idea the first time I asked. That wasn't supposed to happen...they were supposed to fully support me in whatever God called me to, right? (My thinking is a little messed up at times) I asked them to please pray about it before just turning it down. They did. They also brought up a lot of concerns they had and I was able to get answers from my friend. Three weeks later, I got my dad's blessing to go. Mom needed more time, but did eventually give me a hesitant go ahead.

After getting accepted, I was excited, but decided that it was far enough away that I needed to not think about it and instead focus on school. For the past two weeks though, I have been getting more and more excited. I'm excited to see what God has in store for this summer. I'm excited to meet new people. I'm excited for the responsibilty of a group of girls for a week. I'm excited to spend more time with my friend this summer, getting to know her even more than I have over the past 20 years. I'm excited about making the Sovereign Grace Church up there my church for the summer. I'm excited about growing in humility. I'm excited about being stretched.

And I'm a little apprehensive. It's becoming even more of a reality that in a month I'll be away from my home, my family, my friends, my church, my job, my familiarity. In a way, it feels like I'm leaving my life for the summer. I also like doing things I'm good at. I don't like doing things where I might mess up. Where I have to admit a weakness. Where I have to ask for help.

Yet, in all of that, it leads me back to excitement. Excited to leave behind my every day life for two months and embrace my summer camp life. Excited to see how God will use those things to sanctify me. Excited to see how dependent I am upon Him for strength to get me through the long days of activities and short nights of sleep. Excited to see God's grace every minute of every day in every way.

Serving Singles

2009-04-28T16:59:00.005-04:00

I was talking to Heather, my caregroup leader's wife, fairly recently and she had asked me what married people can do to serve singles. Since then, I have given it some thought and here are just a few ways I have come up with. Please keep in mind that these things might not be what every other single would consider a blessing, so get to know the singles in your caregroup (or church) and what helps them.

* Let singles be a part of your REAL life. Don't be afraid to ask us to come help clean, cook, watch your kids, go shopping, etc. I have been so blessed to see what real life looks like for a mom. Mrs. Kelly, Heather, Stephanie, and other moms in the church have let me be a part of their life. They don't just invite me over when the house is clean and the candles are burning. I get to see clothes all over the couches and dog hair on the floor.

* Randomly ask us how we're doing being single. No need to ask every time you see us, but don't be afraid to randomly call up a single friend and say, "Hey, I've been thinking about you, how are you doing lately with being single?" Don't feel that it's a topic to be avoided or that if you bring it up you'll offend us by reminding us once again we're single. One of the most meaningful things anyone ever did for me in relation to being single was asking me on Valentine's day how I was doing. Something simple, but such a blessing.

*Encourage us. If you come across a good article for singles or a quote or anything relating to being single, share it with us.

* Talk positively (yet realistically) about marriage (and motherhood). Complaining= not cool. Talking as if marriage is ALWAYS a fairytale= not cool either.

*Set an example of a godly marriage. You might not realize it, but the way you relate to your spouse does not go unnoticed by singles. It either goes in our mental storage of "What to do in marriage" or "What to avoid doing when married", so think about how you want your marriage categorized. ;-)

*Invite us to hang out for dinner or play games. If it's a single you know well, you can have them over by themself, but if not, consider having at least 2 over at a time to make them both more comfortable. I know I might feel awkward being by myself with just a couple if I didn't know them well. I like Danielle's idea of having a dinner with a a few couples and a few singles.

(Sorry this list ended up being more than just a few ideas!)

Interseasonal Serving

2009-04-16T23:51:00.003-04:00

Since I don't think interseasonal is a word (and if it is, I doubt I used it right), let me define.

Interseasonal Serving: serving those in a different season than your own.

I was going to write a post to preface why I'm asking the following, but that will have to come later (I want to go to bed :)) Plus, I'm about due for a short(er) post. Ha.

Married Couples: How can singles best serve you (or even more specifically, how can I serve you)? When you were single, how did married couples/families reach out to you that you particularly liked? What are you doing now to reach out to singles?

Singles: How can married couple/families best serve you? What are some ways in which married couples/families HAVE served you that you really appreciated? What are you doing now to reach out to married couples/families?

Please comment with your answers :)

Be Still and Know that I am God

2009-03-25T23:59:00.005-04:00

So yeah, it's been forever since I wrote and I doubt people actually read this anymore.

This semester is weird. I have zero motivation and I really don't care about grades. I only have a secure A in one class right now. This is quite a change from last semester where I got A's on every assignment for about half the semester and ended with straight A's.

Last semester, though, I was finding my identity in grades. They were too important. I would put them before time with God. I was stressed and overwhelmed pretty much constantly. This semester I decided not to let that happen. Unfortunately, I didn't balance so well and I ended up going the opposite way. Sure, I'm not stressed or overwhelmed, which is good. However, I'm getting mostly B's and C's (with the exception of Special Ed). Not cool.

I justify this by saying this is the first semester where all 4 subjects are decently challenging. I'm actually reading the text books for every class that requires it (generally I read the book until the first test, then decide I can do fine without reading and it works) except I kinda fell behind in Geography reading, my hardest, most hated subject (prob not a good thing to fall behind in). So all that to say, I'm not putting in less effort. At least I don't think so. It's just a harder semester. I'm used to putting in the least required work and getting A's. Believe me, it doesn't take much to be a good student at a community college. This semester I'm doing lots of work, yet it's not really showing. I don't get it.

More than just academics, though, this semester is lousy social-wise. I feel like I'm in my first semester again and mostly I just sit there looking like the loser homeschool girl with no social skills. In geography I got a 5/20 on a pop quiz and a 75% on the first test. I haven't opened my mouth at all in that class and I only understand maybe .01% of what goes on in that class. Yet, the professor told me I'm smart (how he knows this, I have no clue...it certainly isn't showing in my grades) and should ask questions and talk. He's told me that twice. Not sure what I would ask though. I have no idea what's going on. The only thing I think I learned is that he loves to tell us he knows more about our country than we do (he's from Africa). It's true, but I think we knew that first class. No need to repeat it each class. He's a nice guy, don't get me wrong. I still hate the class though. Not that it's a bust all around, socially. I'm meeting some people in the Christian Club and stuff, but that's only once a week.

I think a lot of this is the enemy attacking. I don't want to use it as a cop-out or an excuse for my miserable academic performance, but I can't dismiss it either. I have been getting really close to God and my passion for Him is increasing. When I was distant from God (most of last semester and the beginning of this semester) my grades were excellent, my social life was thriving, and my friendships were strong. Life was amazing. Satan left me alone. Then, about a month ago I started drawing near to God. I was gaining an increased passion for him. And my grades started dropping. My social life was awkward. And one of my closest friends and I had some miscommunication and false assumptions taking place between us that divided us so much that I really thought I was going to lose her friendship. I really think this was the enemy trying to get me to doubt God--his love, his promises, his mercy, his grace. Everything good about Him. I hated it. I wanted to cry. Actually, I did. It was awful. The enemy was attacking two areas that he knew were important to me: my friends and my education. I've never in my life had problems with friends. I didn't know how to deal with it. I've drifted away from friends, but it was because life took us different ways, not because there were disagreements.

Yesterday I was able to talk to Heather, my caregroup leaders wife, about life, and particularly about the situation with my friend, something I had kept to myself-- not even my family knew what was going on with my friend. She asked me questions and encouraged me. She let me know she was praying for me. Last night I went out with this friend to try to resolve things. It was great. I had a peace about the conversation and the Lord was merciful. It felt normal. It wasn't awkward around her, despite all that had happened. We talked about life and about what had happened. I have faith and hope for this friendship. We both do actually. :)

God is amazing. He can restore friendships. I know that when I draw near to Him, He will draw near to me.

I know this was long, disorganized, and there wasn't exactly a clear point to it. It was more my way of remembering this time in my life. A time when I easily could have decided God wasn't fair to make my life miserable when I was getting close to Him (definitely not His fault, but my sinful heart def was on the verge of that accusation). I don't know that anyone can draw any encouragement from this, but if nothing else...remember that God is faithful. If your life seems to be falling apart, be still and know that He is GOD, and he will work through your most difficult trials in life.

Valentines Day for a Single Girl

2009-02-24T21:24:00.004-05:00

This is a couple weeks overdue, but I wanted to write about it anyway. This Valentines Day was probably the first one where I was tempted to be envious, discontent, and ungrateful. However, God graciously allowed me to have a wonderful Valentines Day through small things.

1) Woke up to probably the sweetest card I have ever gotten. My brother, Steve, got me a heart-shaped box of DELICIOUS cookies and a card that made me cry.

2) I got a call from my friend and caregroup leader's wife, Heather, asking me how I was doing on Valentines day. This might seem small, but I think it's the first time anyone has ever asked me that and it meant more than I think she'll ever know. I hope one day if/when I'm married, I'll follow in Heather's footsteps and ask a single friend this very same question.

3) Working at the church all day with Megan (who is always fun to be around). She's encouraging and godly and such an example to me of what it looks like to honor God as a single.

4) Seeing "Fireproof" at Mountain Christian Church with friends from church and the Christian Club at school. We very well might have been the only singles in the room, but it was a lot of fun, and I didn't really mind not having an arm around my shoulder. ;)

5) Hanging out with friends at Double T Diner after the movie. Oh my, memories to not soon be forgotten. Especially me eating anchovies for the first time. :) Yep, there is a video of it, but it's on my friend's laptop and she wasn't able to upload it. Sorry!

Those 5 things were such a blessing and really think this was probably the best Valentines day I've ever had. Well, except for 2002, the day my life was blessed with a little brother. :)

How was YOUR Valentines Day?

A Gospel Primer

2009-01-27T17:40:00.002-05:00

This book has been an amazing blessing to me. I have been using it for my daily devotions for about 6 weeks and I can't recommend it enough.

Fortunately for you, there is a chance at winning a FREE copy if you go here and post a comment on her blog post. If you don't win, I still strongly encourage you to buy it. You won't regret it.

Quote

2009-01-27T00:02:00.001-05:00

Satan is ever seeking to inject that poison into our hearts to distrust God's goodness - especially in connection with his commandments. That is what really lies behind all evil, lusting and disobedience. A discontent with our position and portion, a craving from something which God has wisely held from us. Reject any suggestion that God is unduly severe with you. Resist with the utmost abhorrence anything that causes you to doubt God's love and his lovingkindness toward you. Allow nothing to make you question the Father's love for his child.

Arthur W. Pink

Game Day

2009-01-18T16:34:00.001-05:00

GO RAVENS!!!

Encouragement

2009-01-07T02:44:00.006-05:00

I've had these lines from a Casting Crowns song playing through my mind a lot lately, and they remain encouraging no matter how many times they play in my mind.

"You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side."

(I had no idea what song they were from, but after looking them up I realize they are from the same song I mentioned in my last post which is "Love Them Like Jesus")

Except, I'm a little off on my lyrics, because what was playing through my head was

"I don't need the answers to all of life's questions, just know that He loves me and will stay by my side."

I don't need to know when the right guy will come along, when I'll finish school, where I'll travel to next, when I'll be a mom, IF I'll be a wife or mom, what I'll do the rest of my life. I just need to know that God loves me and will stay by my side through every season of life.

Questions to think about and ask yourself...no need to answer them in the comment box!:
~ Am I trusting God with my life or am I demanding answers because I'm fearful of the unknown?
~ What is the biggest area I lack trust? What is it that I'm most afraid of?
~ What is hindering me from trusting God the way I know I need to?
~ Who are some people I know that seem to be strong examples of trusting God? Is it possible for me to talk to them, ask them to share encouragement with me, and even pray for me, in the area of trusting God?

Let me leave you with encouragement straight from the Bible:

Matthew 6:25-34 (ESV)

Do Not Be Anxious

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Loving Eyes

2008-12-31T00:43:00.010-05:00

Love. It seems simple. Yet, it's hard. Over the past three or so months, I have been continually reminded about how much I don't love. I'm really judgmental. I stereotype before I meet a person. Sometimes it goes the other way and I "predict" that someone is nice before I meet them, but often times it's negative judgments. I want to love like Jesus loves. I want to see people through his eyes. I want loving eyes.

Instead of seeing a girl immodestly dressed as trashy (or another array of unkind labels), I want to see the girl who, for her whole life, wanted a father to tell her she was precious and beautiful.

Instead of seeing a person who reeks of body odor and who is wearing clothes from last decade as a lazy person, I want to see the person who lost their job and now lives where the showering conditions are less than acceptable.

Instead of seeing the burn victim as someone I should pity because society looks down on them, I want to see the person who is a testimony of God's grace.

Instead of seeing the teen with cuts on their wrists and labeling them an attention-getting, depressed "freak", I want to see the hurting child who craves love in a way I have never had to crave it.

Instead of seeing the homeless man as a moocher, alcoholic, or druggie, I want to see the man who was injured on the job and can't find work.

Instead of seeing the tattooed, pierced guy as a rebel, I want to see the guy who had a rough childhood.

(Side note: please don't think that I think all immodestly girls have uninvolved fathers or that all homeless people are druggies, etc., but I hope you get what I'm trying to say. )

There's so many people that want love and attention. People that go through life constantly feeling rejected by society. Worse yet, there are too many people who feel shunned by supposed God-loving people.

But, if we truly love God, shouldn't we also love the people He would love? Did He not love the prostitute? The cripple? The adulterer? Are we above God that we can't associate with "those" type of people?

Too often I judge. Too often I don't love. And far too often I do these things right after praying for a love like His and for eyes like His.

I leave you with these two songs. Songs that have convicted me and songs that have made me cry:

Love Them Like Jesus by Casting Crowns

Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath (lyrics can be viewed by clicking "more info")

Questions: None for this post. However, if you are like me and struggle with this, I encourage you to ask God for a fresh perspective. I can't guarantee it will come soon (I've been praying for months, yet change, although occuring, has been slow), but I can guarantee God will be honored through your desire to please Him and I do know He can change you.

God's Will

2008-12-14T00:48:00.002-05:00

(This is long and a bit disorganized and random, but if you do read it, hopefully you can still follow it!)

I want to start by saying that I absolutely love my job at the church.

But, I'll also say, I really miss Michael's.

Today, I went into Michael's and had the same feeling I've gotten all my previous trips there since leaving. I just wanted to throw on a uniform and get working. I always see new people working and wish I was still there making friends with them, getting to know them.

On the way from Michael's to church today, I really started thinking about this whole job situation. I felt so certain that God called me to work at the church. I thought I did everything "right" in determining if God was calling me to make this change. I talked to my parents and they thought it was a good idea. I prayed and felt that God called me to being the church job in the fall. It seemed that everything fell into place in such a way I had no doubt it was God's will.

So why do I feel so uneasy about it? Why do I have a hint of regret and sorrow in leaving Michael's? How come every time I go to Michael's I wish I was still working? Why do I feel like I am missing so much there, like I should still be there, and at the same time, so sure I was called to the church and love it so much? Why do I feel like I walked out on so many relationships at Michael's?

Part of it, I'm sure, has to do with the whole getting used to a new job. I pretty much knew how to do everything I needed to do at Michael's. It was easy. I didn't have to ask for help much. I could go in, do what I needed to do, and clock out at the end of my shift. I rarely felt like I was letting people down or frustrating anyone. At the church, everything is new. I'm having to learn so much. I'm making lots of mistakes. I'm asking so many questions and feeling like I'm not getting it as quickly and easily as I thought I would, and that leads to me thinking I'm frustrating the staff and making them wish they hired someone more competent. It's definitely been a humbling experience. My pride makes me wish everything came naturally, but it doesn't. All of this contributes to me thinking that maybe this is also part of why I was called here. I was definitely comfortable at Michael's and I think this new job is something God is using to show me my pride. I think some of the reason I'm doubting this was God's will is because I figured if it was God's will, I wouldn't feel this way; that I would not miss Michael's and that the job at church would be easy to learn.

With that said, I am hoping that maybe I can go back to Michael's in the summer, just for the summer, as a second job. In some ways, I feel that maybe this job is preparing me to be a better witness at Michael's. I was at Michael's for two years, and I have regrets that I wasn't a great example of a Christian. I think that contributes to a lot of why I wish I was still there. I want a second chance to be a better example. Towards the end, I felt like I was beginning to be a better example, but then I left, so I don't think it really counts. Not that I'll live with a boat load of guilt or anything if I don't get a second chance, but it would definitely be nice to go back if I can.

This post is true to the nature of all others in that it's too long! It was all kind of random and disorganized too... sorry about that!

Questions:
* Was there ever a decision you made that you thought was God's will, but then doubted it?
*If so, how did you work through it?
*Was it truly God's will or was it your will and you just convinced yourself it was His?
*What scripture encouraged you during your time of reevaluating (or questioning) the decision you made that you were sure was God's will?

Courting or Dating?

2008-11-26T23:41:00.002-05:00

So, really, who hasn't talked about the whole courting versus dating thing? It seems like everyone talks about it, so why would I do a post about it? I think because it's been a topic that's been brought up a lot lately and I want to throw my views into the mix.

In case you want a short and simple answer, here you go: I am not so much into WHAT it's called as HOW the relationship is. I believe there are God glorifying dating relationships and I believe there are some courting relationships that don't please God. Basically, to me, the label isn't as important as the intent. I believe a relationship needs to have God at the center and it needs to be between two people who 1) are serious about marriage, not a casual relationship, 2) feel it is something God is calling them to, and 3) are dedicated to honoring God through the relationship.

Now, for those who want more than just a simple answer, here you go: If you went by what most people think of as "dating" and what most people think of as "courting", I would DEFINITELY fall into the hardcore courting category. I would never want to go into a casual dating relationship. I read "Boy Meets Girl" (by Josh Harris) twice; once when I was about 13 and again this past spring. I agree with pretty much everything he says.

I would be the last person to tell you that someone who dates is more sinful than someone who courts and I think the label can lead to some very serious judgments. As I said earlier, I think there are people who would say they "date", yet if you examined their relationship you would see a relationship that glorifies God. Likewise, I am sure there are people who are "courting", yet if you were to look at their relationship, you would see aspects of the relationship that would displease God. It's dangerous to rate a person's godliness based on what they decide to call their relationship.

So, what about me? What will I do when my time for a relationship comes? I hope after reading this I have been clear enough on my opinion. However, as to not leave any questions in your mind, I am definitely a firm believer in courtship (the way most people would define it). I won't enter a relationship until I am:
~ Sure it's one that God is calling me to.
~ Ready to be selfless (obviously, I am a sinner and know that I will be selfish. However, I want to go into a relationship with the goal being to serve him, not to have him serve me)
~ Willing to honor God through the relationship and make Him the focus of it.
~ Able to accept and respect the counsel of those wiser who speak into my life about the relationship. Or in other words, I want to be teachable. I want to be accountable to wiser people. For example, if being in a relationship is causing me to shut out my family and friends, I would want someone to share that with me so that I could ask God to help me change.

There you have it, my view on the whole courting/dating issue. I hope I didn't step on any toes. I know this is a controversial issue so I hope I did not offend anyone. Please feel free to ask me about anything I write, this post included. I'm not out to offend or be controversial so I want to clear up any confusion and answer any questions that anyone may have.

Question:
~How do you view dating and courting? PLEASE share even if your views are different. I love hearing what people think!

Seasons

2008-11-13T20:41:00.004-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about seasons lately. No, not winter, spring, summer, fall seasons, but seasons of life. I was thinking about how I can't remember the last time I was at home for the entire day. In fact, excluding Sundays, I am normally gone more of the day than I am home. Most days I am gone at least 8 hours straight, but it's not uncommon for me to be gone 12-14+ either. Then I got to thinking how sometimes I feel like I live in my car. It seems like I'm ALWAYS driving- school, work, church, stores, etc. I guess it's a good thing I love it. I was thinking today how thankful I am that I finally got enough time to clean my room. Those observations and thoughts didn't start out sinful. I know they sound like complaints, but in all honesty, they weren't. They were just thoughts. But they soon turned sinful.

I started to get to the point I was envying moms who could stay at home all day if they wanted. Homemakers who have the whole day to clean. People who can just go to bed whenever they want and not have to worry about homework. People already done with school and onto their career. People who didn't have to drive everywhere all the time. (And this where you all tell me I'm deceived about how the life of stay at home moms, homemakers, career people, etc, really are)

But then God stopped me. After a few minutes of these envious thoughts running wild in my mind, luring me to complain, envy, and become discontent, God convicted me. Lord willing, one day, when I'm a mom with napping toddlers, I'm probably going to wish I was a college student who could just up and leave whenever I want without kids in tow. One day, Lord willing, I'm going to have babies or sick children waking me up every few hours and I'm going to wish I had homework that kept me up, but then let me sleep more than 2 hours straight. One day, I'm going to have a bad teaching day and wish I was still in school learning to be a teacher rather than experiencing the not so happy moments of it. One day I'll probably be scrubbing the floors and wiping the counters for the 100th time and complaining about it the whole time.

God was so gracious to stop me and gently remind me that this is just a season, and there will probably be a day I long to return to this season, even if just for one day. There will be a day I'm complaining that I am stuck at home all day. A day where I'm complaining because I have to clean my room again. A day where I'm complaining I don't get any adult conversation or opportunity to use my intellect. The list goes on. By God's grace, I'm finding contentment in this "I'm: single/a college student/a pastor's secretary/pretty much living in my car/never at home" season of life, and hope to remain content in it no matter how long it lasts.

In closing, I didn't write this to convict you. I didn't write it to say "Look at me, I'm all godly because I'm content" (If only you knew the deep struggle I have to be content. If I don't CONSTANTLY remind myself of how much God has blessed me, I easily and quickly go right to being discontent, which is displayed through anger, complaining, or a number of other sinful responses). I didn't write this so that moms would envy my freedom. I didn't write this so that you would start comparing your life to mine. I wrote this to remind myself to be content where I am, and hopefully in the process, encourage you to do the same, even if your season of life is completely different than mine.

Questions (answers as many or as few as you want. If they're personal, just reflect on them, don't feel you need to share):
~Are you content in whatever season you are in right now? If so, how did God bring you to that place of contentment?
~When do you find it easiest to become discontent in your season (specifics, not "I find it easiest to be discontent when things are hard.")
~ What is the most helpful counsel someone has given you regarding the season of life you are in right now?
~ What counsel would you give to someone in my season? (This is wide open!)
~ What bible verse or passage have you found to be most encouraging when it comes to contentment?

Questioning God vs. Asking God Questions

2008-10-23T21:25:00.003-04:00

Growing up, I never asked God questions. I thought it was wrong. I thought it showed a lack of trust. As I've gotten older, I've changed my view. I began thinking about the difference between "Questioning God" and "Asking God Questions."

You might be thinking, "Come on, Sarah, there's no difference." But here is the way I see it:
Questioning God sounds accusitive, as if you're blaming God or implying He messed up. Asking God questions is wanting to know why He is doing something, but TRUSTING Him even if He doesn't give you an answer.

Right now I'm so aware of the raging battle between flesh and spirit and I want to know what God is doing. I find myself asking Him when this battle will be over, when will I be able to fully surrender to Him, when will I love him so much that a relationship with a guy is only secondary, when will I have a passion for Him like I once did, how long will I have to keep crying out, how long will I have to feel distant before I draw near again.

I know He hears me, but sometimes I just get so tired of asking over and over. I have to continually remind myself of the truth, but sometimes, I don't even fully accept it. I'm tired of feeling defeated.

Then, I started thinking that the reason I feel distant is because I'm putting that distance there. God is close and He always has been. I have just neglected to spend a lot of time in His word. I'm the one spending more time thinking about a guy, being in a relationship, being married, having a family, etc., than I am spending time in God's word, searching His truths, letting His never failing love and care comfort and encourage me.

So, here I am, asking God questions. Not doubting His sovereignty, but definitely feeling distant. Wondering when this trial will end, and in the midst, trying to draw close to Him so that he will draw near to me.

I am so thankful for a God who never leaves me where I am, a God who never gives up on me even when I'm not submitting to Him, a God who never stops loving me even when I'm in disobedience, a God who never stops putting people in my life to encourage me, a God who never ends.

What do you think:
1) Is there a difference between questioning God and asking God questions?
2) What do you do when you are feeling distant from God?

Where You Lead, I Will Go

2008-10-01T18:38:00.002-04:00

Well, a few of you wanted to hear how my working at the church came to happen. I'll go back to the beginning and work my way to the present, as that order generally works best. :)

For a long time, secretarial work has appealed to me. However, when I was first looking to get a job, I was still in High School and could not work days, which doesn't really work for that kind of job. Instead, I got a job in retail, working at Michael's.

Fast forward a few years to the beginning of the summer, I was looking around for a job. I wanted to nanny, but nothing was working out. I got close to getting a Friday nanny job, but that fell through. About midway through the summer, I got to talking to Sacha and the idea of working at the church came up. She said it wouldn't hurt to ask if there was a position available. I emailed Mr. Jim and he said nothing now, but maybe the fall. Perfect for me, because I felt called to stay at Michael's until the end of the summer, although I wasn't sure why.

I had my first interview, then the announcement was put in the bulletin for the position. About 15 people applied. I figured there was no way I had a chance, and prepared myself to work at Michael's for awhile longer. I had come to a place where I was going to be content either way, and for me, that's totally God because I am not one to find contentment so easily. I was called back for a second interview and then sat back and waited for the final answer. My second interview fell on a day with pouring rain. I said, "If I get this job, it certainly isn't because I looked professional." I was soaked (my car leaks in the rain and it decided to DUMP water on me on the way to the church), my hair was crazy, and well, I was so thankful this was an interview where they don't really look at the external. ;)

The entire process from first interview to final answer was about 6 weeks. It was a time of patience and trusting God. People made comments about how long it was taking, but I wasn't too worried about it.

Now the present: I've been working there about two weeks, and I LOVE it. I am not one to just sit around and wait for work, so I am glad that lately my jobs are taking my entire shift. I am also one who hates to leave unfinished work, so sometimes it's hard for me to leave in the middle of a job (for example, I stayed an extra hour or Saturday and still didn't finish! I just had to force myself to find a place that I could call "finish" for the day and leave it). In the beginning I felt like I was being really annoying by asking a lot of questions, but I haven't been doing as much of that lately which I'm sure they appreciate much more. I love the consistency of the my schedule and I love the people I work with.

Anyway, that's the story. My battery is about to die, so I need to publish this. I plan on posting about the spiritual journey or whatever you want to call it through this process soon. Just don't have the battery life to do that now. And, people are less likely to start reading a long post and this already looks intimidating.

Life as I know it

2008-09-28T23:27:00.004-04:00

It's been awhile since I've update this blog with much of anything. I want to post about some different things that have been on my mind lately, but for now I'm just going to update on what's been going on in my life.

~Work: Left Michael's to work at the church. (I'll do a whole post on this soon, hopefully).

~School: Craziness. This week I have 3 big tests, a paper due, and an in class writing. I'm really stressed out. Please pray...thanks!

~ Spiritual: God has been teaching me about love and friendships, and continues to grow me in patience. Surrender is still a struggle, but I am learning to take my burdens to the throne of grace (those of you who heard today's message would know it was a very timely reminder! :))

~ Health: Been pretty sick since Thursday: Sore throat, aches, and even more tired than usual. Feeling better today, thank God.

~ Concern: Memory. Forgetting some things, switching numbers around when I say or write them (for example, saying 6058 instead of 8506 or writing down 502 instead of 520 after seeing it written), and continued headaches--although I think the headaches are probably unrelated.

So, I think that's about it. The last 5-6 weeks basically overviewed in a post that I didn't even plan to make this long. I don't know when I'll get better about that. Anyway, hopefully more interesting stuff to come soon! This is more for me to look back on and laugh. Yes, one day I hope to be that mini-van driving, soccer mom with too many kids to keep track of and laughing at myself because my idea of a "crazy" season was being a 19 year old single, childless, full time student, part time employee girl. :)

Fish Tank, anyone?

2008-09-13T01:46:00.003-04:00

So, I am wanting to get a bigger fish tank and was curious to know if you or anyone you know is selling/getting rid of a fish tank. I have a 10 gallon now, but am ready to get a bigger one. I'd ideally like one that's 25+ gallons, but I'm open to all 20+ gallon sized ones.

Also, if anyone is interested in my 10 gallon tank if and when I upgrade, let me know. It's nothing special, but it's free. You'd probably want to get a new hood for it if you use it for fish because the one on it now is ancient (I got the tank a few years ago, but didn't want to pay for a hood, so kept the old one. And I mean OLD. :)) This is probably understood, but in case not: I can't make guarantees that I'll be giving it away. I still have fish living in it, so I will only be giving it away if and when I upgrade.

Thanks!

Music Tag

2008-09-07T21:40:00.003-04:00

I got tagged to do this...it was really fun, but definitely hard choosing which song to use, especially when there were 2 or three good ones for the same question!

Rules of the game:
- Choose a singer/band/group
- Answer using ONLY titles of songs by that singer/band/group

Carrie Underwood
(I know these aren't "her" songs, but they worked for me! :) )

1. Are you male or female?

"All-American Girl"

2. Describe yourself.

"I Feel Like a Woman"

3. How do people feel when they’re around you?

"So Small"

4. How would you describe your previous relationships?

"When Will I Be Loved"

5. Describe your current relationship.

"Just a Dream"

6. Something you want to say to your significant other?

"I'll Stand by You"

7. How do you feel about love?

"Love is a Battlefield"

8. What’s your life like?

"Lessons Learned"

9. What would you ask for if you had only one wish?

"Jesus, Take the Wheel"

10. Say something wise.

"I Told You So"

I think most people have been tagged...but I'll tag Maggie, Meaghan, Beth D. and anyone else who reads this and hasn't been tagged yet but wants to have fun!

1 Summer, 4 Books

2008-09-05T18:14:00.002-04:00

So this summer I read 4 books. I know that's not a lot, but for me, that was good. It was my goal. Although, only 2 of the books were on my "4 books I want to read this summer" list.

Relationships: A Mess Worth Making, by Tim Lane and Paul Tripp
Yep, I finally finished it and it was so worth reading. I know I did a little recommendation on it before I was done, but now that I'm done, I still stand by my recommendation. It's what I consider a rich book. Easy to read (as in no big words) but rich (don't expect to sit down and ingest it all at once). It will definitely make you look at all your relationships and examine them. I can't really say enough good about it. I am glad I read it. Just as a reminder, this is about ALL relationships, NOT just the romantic kind.
How long it took me to read: Forever.
Recommend it to: Everyone- guys and girls, young and old, single, married, childless, quiver full, new believer, believer-since-5, you get the idea.

Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations by Alex and Brett Harris
One of the best, most inspiring, encouraging, motivating books I've ever read. Alex and Brett give biblical reasons why teenagers shouldn't settle for the expectations that the culture has set for us. One of their main points was that culture expects more from babies than teenagers. What does that mean? Well, they explained how healthy babies/toddlers are expected to learn to walk, talk, use the toilet, etc. But, teenagers aren't expected to break the barrier of communication with their parents or carry mature conversations with adults. They aren't expected to learn to dance. I also got to go to the Do Hard Things conference, and Brett was saying how, when a teen says "I'm just not a math person" usually people say something like, "That's okay, I'm not either." But, it would be ridiculous if a toddler told his mom, "Mom, I'm just not a toilet person." They made several other good points too, and I just really loved this book.
How long it took me to read: Maybe 6 hours.
Recommend it to: 12 years -20ish, both guys and girls. Believers and unbelievers.

Rachel's Tears: The Spiritual Journey of Columbine Martyr Rachel Scott by Darrell Scott and Beth Nimmo
I'm sure you all know about the Columbine shooting years ago and many of you have probably evern heard of Rachel Scott. I think I read this once, a few years after the shooting. However, reading it again, I was inspired afresh to be like Rachel. She was an amazing, godly example for me to follow. She was welcoming of everyone. She had a real relationship with God. She had questions that most people probably have had. She talked to God a lot through writing, and some of the exerpts from her journal are amazing.
How long it took me to read: About three days. I would guess a total of about 4-6 hours.
Recommend it to: Probably would be most enjoyed by girls 16-22, but I think younger and older girls/women would enjoy it too. I wouldn't think guys would have much interest in it, and I don't know that unbelievers would care much about it, but I wouldn't ever tell them not to read it.

I Surrender All: Rebuilding a Marriage Broken by Pornography by Clay and Renee Crosse
I can hear it now, "What in the world is a 19 year old single girl reading about a marriage broken by porn for?" I was looking in the inspiritational section at the library and the words "I Surrender All" caught my attention. "This looks like something I should read, considering my current situation." I thought. I almost put it back after I saw the marriage and pornography part, thinking it'd be totally irrelevant to my life. However, I am SO glad I checked it out anyway. Before, I was very judgemental towards guys who viewed porned or saw women as sex objects. I now have compassion for them. I don't want to give all that happened away, but I would definitely recommend reading it. Oh, and I didn't know who Clay Crosse was until I started reading, but yes, in case you're wondering, he was the popular Christian artist back in the 90's (I think).
How long it took me to read: I think two nights, about 3 hours total, I'd say.
Recommend it to: 18+, men and women. I was going to recommend it to 16+, but decided to take the conservative option and recommed it to adults only. PARENTS: I would recommend reading it before your teens (if they want to read it). I wouldn't say anything is "explicit" or "graphic" but some of it could definitely be a little more detailed than is beneficial for the imaginitive mind, particularly a son's imaginitve mind.

What books did you read this summer and would you recommend them?

The "Little" Things

2008-09-02T17:53:00.003-04:00

I am so thankful that God cares about the little things. At work we now have to wear uniforms...shoes included. Well, I just bought a pair of shoes at the beginning of the summer and didn't really feel like buying another pair. But, nonetheless, I had to. So, I figured I would just buy some cheapo ones from Wal-mart and get some gel inserts or something since my feet are really bad and I think cheap shoes would only make them begin hurting sooner in the work day.

Anywan, I went to Kohl's on Saturday night with my brother. I decided to look at their clearance shoes. I am not a fan of shoe shopping just because I have a hard time finding my 11W size. Add that the shoes either have to be black or white, and you're really narrowing down your choices!

However, with God, all things are possible. I found a pair of Reebok (not my first choice, but it beats a no namer, I would think) shoes, all white except for a little bit of light blue and light gray (which is okay) for $23.99, which was 60% off.

The down side is that today, after wearing them for just 5 hours at work, my feet were killing me! I am hoping that it's just because it was my first time wearing them. They seem like they should be really good shoes. I do have to wear them for 8 hours on Friday and I'm a little worried about that.

Do you have any recent stories of seeing God care about the "little" things in your life?

Surrender

2008-08-20T23:55:00.003-04:00

Surrender is so hard. I don't get it. Surrendering to a God who knows everything about me, my past, my future and who loves me and has my best in mind should be the easiest thing to do. It's certainly logical. But somehow that doesn't seem to make a difference to me. Somehow I convinced myself that I'm the best person to be in control of me. Then, I end up in the position I'm in.

I have a hard time surrendering my desires, hopes and feelings (in the area of relationships/marriage) to God. I don't know why, but I have this mindset that if I say, "God, I'm going to wait for you to bring a husband along and be content with the gift of these single years and focus on you. I surrender my hopes and desires for a relationship to you trusting you'll bring the right guy along when the time is right, if you have marriage in store for me," then I'm giving up on ever wanting a relationship. I almost feel as if I surrender, then I'll lose the desire for marriage...and I think that scares me because I hear, "Chances are if you want to be married, then God will bless you with marriage." I end up thinking if I lose the desire than it means I won't get married. Pretty twisted, huh?

Then comes the other side. I want it too badly and I don't think God would give me a relationship because that's like giving me my idol. I mean, I honestly feel I'm letting go, but I'm not to a full surrender yet. I also want my surrender to be because I see God as completely enough for me, not because I think God will give me a relationship as soon as I surrender.

So, that's where I am now. Feeling like I'm on the edge of surrendering but not willing to take that final step that will have me plunge into complete trust in God.

~Have you ever been in a situation where you were resisting surrender in a particular area (or multiple areas)?
~How did God break you of it? What was the outcome?
~Looking back, what do you wish you had known in the midst of it?
~Were there any particular bible verses, songs, poems, or stories that encouraged you during that time (or that you've come across since then)?

When You Were 19...

2008-08-06T17:41:00.003-04:00

What do you wish you knew?

Please answer...even if you were 19 just last year! Guys, you can answer this too.

Why am I asking this? Well, I went to the "Do Hard Things" conference a couple weekends ago and Brett and Alex Harris encouraged us to ask people who are older what they wish they knew when they were our age. So, please leave a comment letting me know what you wish you knew when you were 19. If you want to take it even farther, I have asked some people what their life looked like at age 19 (what were they doing and learning, where were they spiritually, who were they hanging with, what were there dreams) and that has also been neat. Some were in very similar circumstances, others not. Also, if you were single when you were 19, is there anything you wish you had done differently in that season? Or, if you are now married and look back on your life as a single and see that you used it wisely to serve the Lord, please add how you were able to do that (obviously it was all by God's grace, but were there specific things you read, heard, etc that helped?)

One more question for the women: What do you think are some "hard things" we are called to as women that men aren't? (If this doesn't make sense, just ask. I know that's probably Rebelution jargon, so if you need me to explain, I can.)

Thanks in advance for taking the time to think about and answer these questions!

Heaven: Jair's Home

2008-07-24T18:44:00.003-04:00

(Jair is in the middle in the green shirt, and his younger sister is on the far right)

First, thank you to those who prayed for Jair's healing. The Lord chose to take Jair (I believe he is about 5 although I don't know for sure) home this morning- he now has a perfect body, completely cancer free, and is rejoicing in Heaven with our precious Savior. As I sit here, I am crying. I'm so saddened by the loss of this little boy who has occupied my thoughts and been in my prayers for the past 2 months. I never met him, yet I feel like I do. I'm crying as if I did. I don't know why God put him on my heart. I think some of the people on the trip may not even have heard about him as he was only mentioned a few times, yet God gave me a love for him that I don't know I've ever felt for someone I never met. Jair's parents have been such an encouragement of strength and trust in God, and even though I never met them, I admire them so much and am encouraged by their immense faith. Mr. Dean and Mrs. Denise, the director and his wife of Rancho3M, and their 3 sons cared for Jair's baby sister (who I did get to "meet" as much as you can meet an infant) throughout his time in the hospital. She was so precious. I'm sad to know she won't grow up knowing her big brother. I believe he also has a two year old sister, who I'm sure is broken hearted. I can imagine her big brother was her buddy, her protector.

Please pray for this family. I can't imagine the pain they are going through. They have remained so strong through this all. They have seen their son almost die and then be healed 3 times and now they are experiencing the pain of losing a son. Please pray for Mr. Dean and Mrs. Denise and their three sons (who have said they be brothers to Jair's sisters...how sweet is that?) who are mourning Jair's death. I'm also sure there are many kids at the orphanage who are crushed by the loss of their friend, their playmate. Many of these kids have lost one or both parents, some even recently, I'm sure, so this is not easy for them.

I really don't know what else to say. I'm still shaken by this loss, however, I know that God can be glorified even through this, and I'm rejoicing that Jair is now in Heaven, free from pain and suffering, spending eternity with the Lord.

Please Pray for Jair

2008-07-18T18:12:00.002-04:00

I have little time to write right now, but I wanted to ask you to please pray for Jair, a young boy who is dying. I have never met him, but he is a little boy who's parents work at the school at Rancho 3M, the orphanage we went to for our missions trip in May. More details later...just pray God heals him (his parents have been told to prepare for his death) and for comfort for his family (I believe he also has two younger sisters, but not totally sure).

Thank you for pleading on this young boy's behalf!

Trash Can Pyramid

2008-07-14T18:25:00.002-04:00

I came home today to this scene. Apparently the trash collectors decided to get creative. I got a good laugh out of it. You gotta figure that their job is really monotonous, so I am glad they are able to find something "fun" to do amidst the repetition.

Complaining vs. Sharing What's Going On

2008-07-11T23:52:00.003-04:00

Last night my care group had our ladies group and we were discussing the topic of grumbling. One of the questions that was asked that I thought was really interesting (and I had been thinking about it myself lately) was: where is the line between complaining and just sharing about what's going on in your life (the inconveniences, trials, etc)?

Instead of sharing my thoughts on it, I thought it'd be better to open it up to anyone who wants to give their view. So, please leave a comment! I'm really curious to hear what others have to say about this (as well as see who actually still reads this blog :))

Maybe I Will...Thanks for the Suggestion.

2008-07-02T17:06:00.004-04:00

I am still laughing over this note I got today. No, not a friendly note from a dear friend. In fact, I know nothing about this person except for what I assume after getting the note.

Here's the note:

The stationery was a lovely white fast food napkin.

This totally made my day.

(And for the record, I am normally a good parker. I was in the huge van, trying to avoid the concrete light post base, and figured since I was just getting two things I'd be out before whoever drove that car so I didn't bother taking the time to fix my failed first attempt. I am not very patient with bad parkers, so this was also humbling for me.)

Escape

2008-06-28T20:27:00.003-04:00

It's so easy to get overwhelmed with circumstances, situations, and people. It's so easy to want to escape, rather than face a certain issue. It's definitely not fun, though, and it ends up being harder. The past few months have been really weird for me. The past few weeks have been even crazier. It's been a roller coaster of emotions and feelings. I'll feel really close to God and so aware of his goodness and then something will happen and I feel so distant, not necessarily from God, but from people. I was confused as to how I could feel so passionate about God, feel closer to Him than I have in a long time, hang out with some of the most godly, encouraging people I know, and not be able to fully embrace this wonderful life God has blessed me with. I don't want to get into the details of why I was feeling this way (since this is a public blog) but it was controlling my life (my sleep was all off schedule, too, because I would be up very late, unable to get my mind to settle down, then I would end up sleeping in.) I was thinking way too much about certain relationships (and I don't just mean romantic kinds) and wishing things were different.

That's when I began escaping. No, I didn't go into isolation, locking myself in my room and shut myself down. I didn't avoid people. For me, my escape was the gym. Now, I know you're thinking, "Haha, good one! You? Escaping to the gym? Yeah, right. " It was true though, and I didn't even realize it. The gym was the place I not only could go, but had to go (summer class), so it was easy. When I needed a break, I could go to the gym. I didn't get told no, because my parents knew I had to go a certain amount of times per week for credit. I could go alone (yet still be with people), stick earphones in my ears, and try to distract myself from everything. The gym allowed me to focus on what needed to get done. I could count the minutes, I could take my heart rate, I could count repetitions on the weight machines.

The thing is, I didn't really view it as an escape, and I think that's where it got dangerous. I was able to temporarily escape problems, but it didn't make them go away, and the longer I carried them, the harder it got. Finally, this past Thursday, the last day of my class, God completely showed me what I was doing. I was shocked. I was totally blind (or in complete denial) to my escaping. But I also realized in all my attempts to escape, God was pursuing me in love. When I put those earphones in and turned the ipod on shuffle, he knew just what songs would bring me comfort and conviction. It has been awesome to look back over the last few weeks and see that God was close by the entire time. Even when I was trying to get away from my problems, he was like, "You know, you can stick those things in your ears, but I'm going to give you the perfect song. You can try to escape your problems, but you can never escape my love."

Today, I am feeling so free. It's amazing the difference. I plan on still going to the gym because I really enjoy it (shocking, I know. I can't even believe I am saying that and meaning it), but I don't plan on using it to escape my problems. Sure, I'll still focus on whatever I'm doing, and I'll still put those earphones in my ears, but it won't be to escape!

I encourage you to seek God and examine your life and ask if there are any ways you are escaping without really giving much thought to it. It could be in "good" things, too. The gym is definitely beneficial, but apparently one of my motives was wrong. Maybe for you it's cleaning, cooking, sleeping, shopping, or reading. Obviously none of these are "bad" things, but if you're using them to escape problems, they can get dangerous.

The Stupid Things I Do

2008-06-25T15:12:00.007-04:00

Lately I've been thinking about all the dumb things that enter my mind...and the many that actually escape and go from thoughts to words and actions. Some call them "blonde" moments, but I am definitely not blonde. So, for me, they're just "dumb" moments.

+ A few years ago I was at one of those one way roads due to construction. I was second in line. The vehicle in front of me was a huge work truck that I thought was part of the crew. Apparently he wasn't. Of course I didn't find this out until after the worker holding the stop sign yelled at me. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? What's going to happen when that 18-wheeler comes down here? Huh? What then?" So, embarrassed to the max, I reverse myself back in the line of about 50 cars.

+ I sat in a convertible and thought, "There's no sun roof."

+ I began using this weight machine the wrong way. I've used the machine before correctly, but the ONE day the instructor was walking around, I start using it completely backwards. He was nice about it, but I could tell he was trying not to laugh as he said, "With this one, you actually..." I was too embarrassed to even defend myself, but I was laughing about it 5 minutes later.

+ While still on my permit, I thought the van was in reverse. After plowing through the garage door and hearing the glass windows break, I learned I was actually in drive. My brother, who was away that night, came home the next day with some family friends, thinking our house had tried to get broken into.

+ I get so used to using a razor knife at work that a few times when I'm having a hard time opening something, I'll reach into my apron to grab the knife, only to realize I'm not at work and don't have an apron or a razor knife.

+ When I was babysitting, the lady asked me to water the flowers if I got a chance and remembered. Of course I would, how hard could it be? Well, it took me just about forever to figure out the hose, I dragged it up the deck only to find out the spigot was down under the deck where I got the hose from, and water was going everywhere on the deck...not just on the flowers! When I was done, I went to put the hose back and of course it's underneath the dripping deck. I came in with my pant leg soaked, and my back sprinkled. I asked the little girl if they had a hair dryer. She asked why. I told her because I got myself soaked by the hose. Her comforting response: "Did you get any on the flowers?"

There are many more that aren't coming to mind right now, but if I think of any, I'll add to the list. Even if I could think of them, I'm not sure I would want to overwhelm you and have you wondering if you really want to admit you know me... or for some of you, that you actually hang out with me. Or even worse, that I'm the one you let watch your kids. Haha. :)

Relationships: A Mess Worth Making

2008-06-22T13:29:00.003-04:00

I just wanted to put a quick recommendation out for this book by Paul Tripp and Tim Lane called Relationships: A Mess Worth Making. I have only read about half of it, but so far it has been great. I highly, HIGHLY recommend it. It addresses relationships in general (not just romantic relationships) and it's just really, really encouraging (and convicting!). If you are looking for a worthwhile book to read this summer, this is a good choice. The chapters aren't that long and it's very easy to read. Everything is simply put and not all theological and scholarly sounding to the point you spend more time trying to figure out what they are saying than actually reading. I am looking forward to finishing it. My brother recently finished the whole book and said it's totally worth the read.

This is where I would normally ask for book recommendations, but I already have a short list of books I want to read this summer (and probably won't end up reading more than 2...I'm not the most diligent reader.) However, here are the books I want to read, let me know if you know if you've read any and what you thought of them:

- Relationships: A Mess Worth Making
- Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations
- Letters on Practical Subjects to a Daughter
- So Much More (this is a long book and probably will not get finished this summer)

More Thanks

2008-06-12T22:03:00.003-04:00

Things I'm thankful for this week:

~ God's continuing grace in my life.
~ Music that speaks to me and makes me cry because it's either really convicting or comforting.
~ Friends that care about me...and can tell when something is wrong and invite me to dump it on them. Even better, they still love me! :)
~ McShane's
~ My care group.
~ Broom's Blooms for a care group social...and the ability to resist the ice cream!
~ A good week at work.
~ My family and the work I can see God doing in them.
~ Hope for brighter days. With God, nothing is impossible, and with him, we can trust him with anything that seems hopeless.
~ Lunch with my friend, Sherri, today.

Thankful Thursday

2008-06-05T15:50:00.003-04:00

I am going to try to consistently blog what I'm thankful for. I am definitely not known for keeping to a schedule, so I won't be posting every Thursday, nor will I only post on Thursdays. It just happens to be a Thursday when I decided to start this. :)

In Mexico, at the end of each day I would thank God for things that happened that day. It really kept my perspective in line. I found myself writing down things I was thankful for that earlier in the day I was complaining about (painting a fence in the heat, the septic system being full and not able to use our water, etc). At first, I just wanted to be thankful for the "good" things, not the inconveniences. But when I really thought about everything-- the possibilities of what could have been, or what came about as a result of those inconveniences-- I realized that I had a great reason to be thankful. God was in control. He has my best in mind. It got me thinking that that should not just be something related to Mexico, but I should continually be thanking God. The Lord has been so merciful in this area. I find myself thanking Him for the little things- a green light, a safe ride home in the rain, etc. Things that before I took for granted.

So, here are some things, little and big, that I'm thankful for:
= The gym
= Friends
= God's mercy in getting me through this week of craziness. Two more days and then next week it slows down. Thanks to God for answering that prayer.
= Freedom
= Parents who care about my physical and spiritual life. They provide so much for me. It's also a blessing that they trust me in my decisions about who to hang out with. Some of my friends they haven't even met yet, but they are trusting God that I am making wise decisions and that means so much to me.
= My brothers. It's so cliche, but I honestly don't know what I would do without them. = My job
= The opportunity to go bowling this coming Saturday night for the first time in probably 3 years. It seems so small, but the chance to hang out with friends and have a good time, and knowing that because of who I'll be with the conversation will be edifying is so great. I'm really excited.
= Babysitting
= Reliable transportation and car rides. The chance to talk with whoever I'm with is a blessing!
= Thunderstorms! I love them and we've had two or three this week. My brother is in NC all this week so the other night I slept in his room with the window open. It was so relaxing to fall asleep. I could hear the stream, the rain, the thunder. It was all so beautiful.
= The chance to clean my room. All I needed was like 15 minutes to quickly straighten it and make the bed but I've been so busy all this week and when I was home, I was too tired. Today I didn't have to work and got it looking nice. I even took an extra few minutes to give away a huge bag of clothes and go through my school papers from this semester (trash 1/2, keep 1/2). Woo!
= The opportunity to have a friend meet my family, go bowling with me, stay over Saturday night and come to church with me this weekend.

Okay, so there is probably a lot more, but this is getting long.

What are some things you are thankful for?

Since the Semester is Over...

2008-05-28T12:11:00.004-04:00

... I figured I should let you know which goals were accomplished. Some of you may remember me posting back in January, right before the spring semester started, that I had 5 goals I really wanted to accomplish during the semester. Here they are, along with the results.

(This may look long but half of it is just the goals so you can skip them and just read the results which are in bold. Don't let the length scare you off!)

1) Raise my GPA. Not for the purpose of making the President's list (although that'd be nice, I don't want that to be my goal) but for the purpose of glorifying God. I know if I work my best with an attitude pleasing to God, that is enough, and is my ultimate goal. It would simply be nicer if I worked with a pleasing attitude and raised my GPA all at once. :)

RESULT: I didn't raise my GPA, nor did it drop. It stayed exactly the same. It really was my history class that killed me but I have come to realize that all the hardship that came with the many trials and confusion of that class, I have learned so much more than just history! I actually enjoyed history despite all the trouble. The teacher, although sometimes boring, loved what he taught and wanted to see us learn. That makes all the difference in my opinion. So I didn't accomplish this goal but I do feel what came as a result--particularly the fact that I was continually reminded it was out of my control and I had to trust God-- was so much better than a higher GPA.

2) Get a scholarship. I am applying for a scholarship that would pay for 2 full years at the community college. I need to get my application and 3 recommendation forms in by February 1. Once I do that, I wait for a call. If I am invited to do the next step, I will go to the school on Feb. 23 to write a 300-500 word essay on a given topic. From there, they will pick 5 people. Please pray if you think about it-- Thanks!

RESULT: I didn't get it but my brother did, which worked out so much better! I get to see my parents relieved of the financial burden of paying for his school and I also don't have the pressure of keeping the scholarship. My brother will definitely be able to handle it better. So, while it's embarrassing, it's humbling at the same time. And I can see now that it's so much better this way because it's God's way.

3) Do at least 1 thing extra on campus. I was going to join the Christian club they have, but it meets for Bible study on Tuesdays, and I'm not on campus that day. I don't necessarily need to be in a regular event, just a one time something extra event like a concert, meeting, etc.

RESULT: I went to a play as extra credit for my sociology class. I went with a friend which made it even better. I won't bore you with the details of the play but I really enjoyed it. I also hung out with friends regularly on campus to talk and/or study so overall my "getting more out of college" desire was fulfilled.

4) Be more open about my faith. I don't need, want, or plan to be the Billy Graham on campus, but I don't want to purposefully avoid bringing up my faith for the sake of not making waves. "Evangelizing through actions" is good to a point, but I do want to be more outspoken about God. I am hoping that by having a class with a Christian friend, there will be more opportunity to do this. And, it's in a science class, which could make for some very good opportunities!

RESULT: This one is kind of hard to say whether it was accomplished or not. I wasn't exactly a campus evangelist but I think I was more open than last semester definitely. I know I've mentioned this before a few times, but I'll mention it again because I'm still amazed at just how awesome God is by doing this. My two most secular/worldly influenced/liberal classes (Bio and Soc) were the two classes where God provided Christian friends for me to meet. Not only that, they are STRONG Christians who lead me closer to God and encourage me in my faith. They aren't "Sunday Christians." Better than that is the fact that they also weren't just "class friends." I've seen them both quite a bit since the end of the semester and plan on continuing to see them regularly this summer and, Lord Willing, they will both be lifelong friends of mine.

5) Spend more time in the Word. I have a 2 hour gap between my classes which would be a great time to get some reading done while it's quiet and I can focus.

RESULT: I don't think I ever used my 2 hour gap for devotions, but my time in the Word has definitely increased. However, it's more than just LENGTH, my passion for the word has grown incredibly. I think I've written before about how I was rushing my quiet times and not getting too much out of them. By God's grace, He has changed me. I WANT to read the Bible and I love it when I do and I'm getting so much more out of it. Seeing people fired up for God and passionate made me want it so badly. Then, God made it happen in my life and it feels amazing.

So, while I didn't achieve a few of the goals, I know it's all in God's plan so it's perfect and I'm glad. Even the results that weren't what I would have liked I can definitely see helped me--mostly to humble me, which I am always in need of and am so thankful for. I can see how God used them for my good, just as He promises. It was an amazing semester, far better than my first in pretty much every way, and although I was so ready for summer to come, I was kinda sad that it was ending and I wouldn't see my friends, both old and new, as often. Even writing it now makes me excited about next semester! But I'm going to enjoy my summer. The stresses of next semester will come soon enough, I'm not going to rush
them! : )

Have a blessed summer!

Back from Mexico!!!

2008-05-19T18:51:00.003-04:00

I had an amazing time in Mexico. More about it later, but I just wanted to take a few minutes to write down some of the awesome things God did for us while we were there before I forget.

1) We had no problems with any of our 4 flights both ways.
2) We were able to get into Mexico and out of Mexico with no trouble.
3) It was almost instant bonding with all the kids right away. Some were definitely more social and loved us more than others, but even the "hard ones" seemed to eventually warm up to us.
4) I had an almost disabling headache the first day (most likely from getting two hours of sleep, little food, the flights, the time change, and everything else) but not a single one the rest of the week! Praise God! And, I only got nose bleeds on two or three of the days, and all of them happened when I was inside our dorm. I didn't get any outside...I was also close to tissues and a bed to lay down in while I waited for it to stop!
5) One thing that our group needed to do was dig a trench from the college dorm house to the Ranch owners house (I'm not good with distance, but I would guess it to be about 25 feet) that needed to be about 16 inches deep and about a foot wide. The ground was so hard it was bending the pick. They haven't had rain in 4-6 months. We prayed for rain and the next day I walk outside and the ground is soaked and rain is pouring. They got the trench finished! Unfortunately, because of the rain we couldn't paint, but that trench needed to be dug and because of the rain it could.
6) We only bought 3 jars of spaghetti sauce and it needed to feed 15 hungry people. We prayed that it would be enough. At the end of the night we put it away and had two full jars left over. When else does 1 jar of spaghetti sauce feed 15 people?
7) In the girls dorm, we only had one good shower (one just trickled and the other one had no hot water handle) . It was never a problem for 7 of us to take showers when we needed.
8) For a full night and most of a day, we were unable to use water or toilets in the girls dorm due to a full septic system. We had to shower and get ready for bed in the guys dorms. It was a little inconvenient for both us and them, but it taught me a few lessons I needed to be taught. First, I don't remember the last time I didn't take a shower in the morning...but there I had to shower the night before, and guess what? It wasn't that bad! I survived. That's totally God's grace because if I had to shower the night before prior to this trip I would have complained, but there, I just learned not to care about the little inconveniences. You take them and roll with them and it all works out. Second, they guys had much nicer showers and bathrooms, so it was quite the blessing to get to take showers in there once.

Thank you, Lord, for your many undeserved blessings!

So, this is what I call my room...

2008-05-09T18:02:00.005-04:00

So my mom has been telling me I should post pictures of my room for awhile. I never have though, partially because I'm lazy and didn't want to take the time, and partially because of fear of man (it's not exactly the type of room that would appeal to many people, and because I'm not very good at all with being creative and decorating well...and because the flowers and circles on my wall I didn't put up straight...I mean, I put them up "temporarily" to get an idea of what it would look like, and I had plans to go back and measure out so everything was equal distance from each other and the ceiling. But, what was supposed to be temporary has been there for about 6 months. Not cool. I will get around to eventually, I just wish I went through the trouble originally and not have to go back to fix it. So anyway, this is my room...flaws and all. I still love it...I haven't gotten tired of it yet. I know it's juvenile/preteenush, but I am in love with these colors and the "Island Girl" theme stuff from Target is totally me. Also, I know when I'm married/have my own place I want the color scheme to be more warm, calm and inviting, so I decided if I wanted a "fun" room, it would have to be now!

I had bought the sheets and comforter before I settled on a color scheme and then when I decided to completely makeover my room, Target discontinued this theme and I wasn't able to buy accessories. Stupid Target, but lovely eBay (I was able to find the magnetic board and the lamp on there).

So here's the pics--sorry they aren't very good!:
This is the wall display above the computer. I do plan on adding more to it. Probably a group pic from the Mexico trip I'm going on. And maybe some more fun geometric stuff. I'm not sure. Just a close up of the magnetic board (from eBay) with some old pictures and Galatians 6:3 as a reminder to be humble.
Close ups of my framed group photos from last summer's missions trips. The window toppers/curtains that I sewed...I think the fabric was $1/yard on clearance at Wal-Mart-- gotta love that store!
End tables (matching...one on each side) for 13 dollars a piece at Ikea, another store I love. The decorative boxes were a Christmas gift from my parents, and the fake flowers (which I've heard is the biggest no-no in decorating, so I don't use them out of ignorance, I have the knowledge you're not supposed to do that in decorating, but I do anyways. :)) in a glass bead filled vase I got at Michael's with my 50% off employee discount.
Another wall arrangement. The turquoise scarf/wrap thing on the dresser I got in Russia. The rest are knick knacks and trophies that hold special meaning. So, even though they clash, I just can't part with them yet. The top pic is obviously just a close-up.
Fish tank. I sewed the cover to hide the ugly shelving underneath. I would like to get a bigger tank this summer...but not sure yet if I will. I love seeing the little baby fish grow and I can't wait to see what colors they turn! Lamp I got on eBay. I love it! Not exactly very bright, but it's a great reading lamp at night.

Probably my least favorite thing in my room overall, but it works great as a robe and towel holder. Plus, it's behind the door, so it's not a big deal. I'm thinking about repainting it and changing the decorations a bit. I think it just looks really "little-girl"ish right now.

I'm not a huge fan of this display either. The shelves don't at all go with my room. Most of what's up there except the horse are from when I traveled out of the country (some from Mexico when I went shopping there in 1999 and the others from Russia) so they are special and I like the idea of having an "international wall" or whatever. I'd love for it to grow as I travel to other countries.

And that's my room (most of it anyway). That last picture you can see what I mean about not having everything measured out and straight. Oh well, one day I hope it'll be the way I want it, but for now, it'll do.

Bummer

2008-04-30T18:03:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I found out today that the showers in Mexico are actually normal showers-- warm, fresh water showers, all the stuff of an American shower. They just aren't "pretty". And, you can't drink the water. No big deal because I don't drink shower water any way, but the girl I was talking to said they emphasize the "no drinking the water" thing so much that you're paranoid you'll accidentally get some in your mouth when you shower. I know in Russia we couldn't drink the water, so it won't be a first, but I almost forgot to use bottled water when I brushed my teeth a few times. Not good. Let's hope I don't do that in Mexico!

So, it's a little disappointing. However, I'm still pretty sure I'll be out of my comfort zone and away from many common things that I consider "necessities" and take for granted, so I'm still excited to see how God uses the trip to change my perspective.

You could pray that MY showers end up being cold and salty... :) I wouldn't want you to pray it for the whole group, but you can pray it for me. Seriously.

Finals and Mexico

2008-04-29T18:01:00.004-04:00

If you think of it, would you please say a prayer for me? Next week are finals and then next Saturday, May 10, I leave for Mexico with the Juniors and Seniors.

If you want specifics, here are a few, but otherwise, just a general prayer would be very much appreciated.

For Finals:

-Obviously that I do well. Study hard. Feel prepared. And, I would love to have a peace about them beforehand. I had my bio final yesterday and while I did well on the test and overall, I sorta freaked out RIGHT before the test. Don't want that happening with my others!

- Specifically my history final. There's a chance I could fail this class. I got a C on my first test, and a D on my second and I had studied hard for both and felt confident. I did well on the first part of the tests, the identifications and importances of certain events, but basically bombed the essay part. So, I am going tomorrow to talk to him about the essays since he said to come see him so that he could know I was ready for them. I really don't think I can do better than a C (which, if you know me, that's what I refer to as "failing") unless I get an A, and even then it might still make my final a C. But, at this point, as long as I pass, I'll be okay.

And for Mexico:

- That I can bond with the high schoolers, particularly the girls. I feel part of the reason God wanted me to go on this trip was to form friendships with these girls. I hope to be a godly example and offer encouragement wherever needed since they will be in my position in a year or two.

- No headaches. I've mentioned before I tend to get headaches in the heat, and Mexico is definitely not known for cool weather. :) So, between the time change (messes with the sleep!) and the heat, I am pretty "at risk" for headaches, but I know God, in his mercy, can choose not to let me get any.

- I will have a positive attitude the entire time. As you all know...I'm a little obsessed with warm, clean showers. I heard in Mexico they are cold, saltwater showers. This was the main reason God called me to Mexico- to let go of this common thing that I take for granted. So, I'm excited to see how God uses this experience to change me. I can honestly say I think I'll be disappointed if they've changed the showers in the last two years. I really want to experience the cold, saltwater showers for a week.

-Overall safety for everyone. No lost luggage. No problems crossing the border. Unity among everyone. Good times of fellowship. That we'll be a blessing to the orphanage (Rancho 3m). That the students will be able to raise the rest of their funds (I believe they need at least 3k more). Everyone will be changed in some way.

Thanks in advance for your prayers!!!

Is He Enough?

2008-04-18T11:53:00.002-04:00

I just love this message (Is He Enough?) from NA 2004 by Joshua Harris.

Single girls- if you're struggling with wanting to be married and thinking that if you could just have a guy, your life would be so much better, this message will encourage you to see it differently. Josh Harris does a fantastic job of probing the heart, asking the questions you don't want to answer but know you need to. It's great and really changed my perspective. It's been a very helpful tool as God is removing the idol of a relationship/marriage from me. I still have a ways to go before it's removed completely, but I think listening to this message has been one of the most helpful things so far.

Let me know what you think!

And married ladies, if you have any helpful advice on practical things to do to overcome the idol of marriage and maximize the single years so I can live them without regret, I would love, love, love (and appreciate) hearing them!

Thanks!

Bunch of Randomness

2008-04-07T22:55:00.003-04:00

Okay, I first want to thank you all for helping me find someone to interview. Some of you went above and beyond what I expected and I appreciate it very much. I happened to find someone by way of a blog comment who is willing to help me out. She is perfect for what I want to do my paper on (women in the service economy who use childcare) so I should be able to interview her unless something happens. Also, praise God, the deadline got moved to next Wednesday, so I have plenty of time to do this.

Next, this summer I am interested in a full time babysitting/nannying job (part time would work as well, as long as it's about 20 hours). I would be available Monday-Friday (Saturdays possible, but no Sundays) until 6:30 at the latest most nights. So, if you know someone in need of childcare who pays decently (meaning at least 7.50/hour because I would be leaving my job for this and would need something secure that pays about the same) please let me know. It would be a bonus if they needed part time care through the school year, but it's not neccessary. So, please keep your ears open for people who need a summer sitter/nanny.

Last, I never did write about part two of God's work in my life recently.

So I'm going to try to keep this short. Ha!

There I was, in the scary place of feeling content with where I was spiritually. Content to not progress forward. Sure, I definitely wanted to move forward, but I wasn't making an effort, so my actions pretty much portrayed my contentment in staying where I was. As long as I wasn't slipping, I was okay, right? I didn't have to grow. It's okay.

Well, as the Casting Crowns song says, "Be careful if you think you stand, you just might be sinking" What a gracious reminder for God to give to me... I was legalistically thinking that as long as I didn't do such and such, I was still okay...

The recent changes in my life started a week and a half ago. I providentially got invited to a house church by someone from my biology class. It wasn't a caregroup night, so I didn't have to babysit, and I decided to go with an open mind, having really no expectations. I just wanted to check it out.

It started out really good. A girl was sharing about making goals to fight your sin and that was encouraging. But, I was still sort of unaffected. I agreed with what she was saying, but there was no conviction. I was fine for awhile. A lady came over (who is a friend of my mom's from years ago-- it was nice to see her again after not seeing her for about 7 years!) gave me a hug, and told me God wanted me to just sit in His lap and be his little girl. That might not sound like a big deal, but I was going through a time of maybe almost self-reliance. I was relying on God and trusting Him, but at the same time I was taking a lot of school and work burdens on myself and not giving them to God. She was saying this and I just felt like "That's where I want to be. I want to be this little girl who can trust her Father to carry her burdens."

Then came the topic of God being enough. This is basically when I started crying and looking like an idiot. Here I am in this group of people I don't know (except for the person from biology, the lady who hugged me, and someone that used to go to our church, but I never really knew her) just crying. Seeing that I was obviously affected, my friend came over and was asking me what God was telling me. So I told them. And they were like "Yeah, that's just a bunch of crap from enemies. It's all lies." I knew that, but it was really refreshing to hear that. Then this girl came over and both of them prayed for me and it was just really really cool. I left there so encouraged and with a passion for God, His word, and all that He is doing.

Then, the following night was the Casting Crowns concert, and they were also talking about some of the same stuff, about slowly fading and all that happens between "The Altar and the Door."

Friday night, I went to the Fusion/Relay corporate meeting to hear the guest speaker. And guess what he was talking about? Yep, making compromises and how if you take your eye off the cross for even a second, huge consequences will occur.

But yeah, I don't think God was trying to tell me something. ;)

There is more to tell, but that really is the gist of what's been happening. I feel so much better having this new perespective. I thank God for His mercy. His Love. He pulled me out of that "Scary Place" of self-reliance, non-progressive, blinded, dull state of not seeing God as enough.

PLEASE READ- I NEED YOUR HELP!

2008-04-04T17:28:00.001-04:00

Hey everyone, sorry to sound desperate, but I am. I hate begging for help, but because I'm so desperate I'm begging away.

I am taking sociology this semester, and one of our assignments is to write a paper. Part of the assignment is to read a book (which I have had done for awhile now) and interview someone in the service economy (retail, restaurant, maid, etc). Well, the deadline kind of snuck up on me and I haven't done the interview yet. The paper can focus on any aspect of service economy workers, and I would like to do mine on childcare, but at this point I'm so desperate, I'll do any topic.

I can't interview someone I know. So, that's where you guys come in. I am wondering if you have friends that fit these requirements:

~ Must be in the service economy.
~ Must be full time.
~ It'd be a plus if you knew someone who has children in childcare, but it's not a must.
~ Would be available for an interview (lasting about an hour) where they are willing to talk about their job SOMETIME BETWEEN NOW AND TUESDAY (yes, this coming Tuesday, I told you the deadline snuck up on me)
~ If you know of someone who is willing, but not available until later next week, please let me know and I can probably get an extension.
~ The person can't be someone I know. If I've met them or talked to them a time or two, that's fine, but I can't just pick a good friend and interview them for the sake of ease.
~ Oh, and I can do a phone/IM interview for all you long distance friends of mine, so please don't dismiss this request because you're not local.

They will fill need to sign a permission paper and we are required to make a name up for them, so their real name won't show up in the paper.

Thank you all so much for your help!!!

A Scary Place to be

2008-03-29T23:35:00.005-04:00

This is really long, and it's part 1 of 2. I am journaling this more for me because I can type faster than I can write, and wanted to get it out of my head and on to "paper." So, feel free to read, but if you don't, I don't blame you. The length would probably scare me away, too.

Anyway, so lately, as in the past few months, I've felt like my walk with God was stuck. I wasn't getting closer, and I was really feeling far from him. I was still reading my Bible daily, but it felt dutiful. I was rarely feeling any emotion. I lacked thankfulness for what God was doing. I lacked amazement for his love. Really, I was taking my relationship with him for granted. In my head I was convincing myself that if I just keep doing the actions, then the passion will come. My heart, though, was somewhere else. It was as if my heart was saying "There is nothing here. There is nothing to set on fire. No spark will fly." I think for awhile I was in denial. Satan was convincing me that it was okay to keep going the way I was going. And sadly, I think I started to believe it was okay, too. Then, God took my heart back and revealed to me where I was going wrong.

The series we're in at church is called "From Gethsemane to Glory" and through this series, God is drawing me back. God has taken my heart, put it in front of my face, and told me to look closely. He showed me that I didn't appreciate his sacrifice enough. Pastor Jim did an amazing job getting me to see how much that cup of wrath meant. Never had I seen it that way. Never before have I been so afraid of God's wrath and at the same time, so thankful for what he endured. For me. I had tears pouring down my face by the end of the service. That was the beginning.

Then, a few or so Sundays later, another message was preached on bitter failures. Okay, I'll just admit, I didn't really want to hear that. But I needed to, and it once again brought change. Pretty much my whole life I've been a people pleaser and so with every failure, I feel like I let others down too, and it just doesn't sit well with me. That day, though, I really learned that bitter failures are okay because through them, God can be glorified. He allows them to happen. I've always known this in my mind, but my heart was still crushed every time I failed. While I still am not over the people pleaser thing, I do believe that God is changing me. I hope one day soon I will be able to see all my failures as a means to draw me closer to God. His love is unconditional. I can fail, and he'll love me the same.

Then came youth camp '08. I am out of the youth stage, but my brother wanted to go and I agreed to take him. It was too far to just drop him off, and it was too cold and dark to sit in the car and do homework. So, I went in. I knew people, so it was a chance to catch up. But little did I know that that night would be a freeing moment. It's been a long time since I ever felt so free to worship God. I think a lot of it had to do with my perspective being changed. God showed me that he took that bitter cup from me and my failures can be left behind. For so long I was dragging my failures to the cross with me and it was preventing me from worshiping him the way I wanted to, and the way he deserved. It was like he was saying, "Sarah, those sins have been removed. I've already released them, why do you insist on keeping them strapped to your wrists? You can lift your hands so much higher without those!" It was an amazing freedom that's hard to describe. But since then, worship has been so much sweeter for me.

But, even through all that, there was still some things just not right. While I was feeling free, I still didn't feel like I could run forward. It was almost like my feet were stuck in the ground. Yes, I could move all around. In place. I couldn't step forward though. What was going on? All of this happened, so why was I still stuck?

To be continued...

(Sorry, it's late and I have church in the morning, and I'm only about half way through, believe it or not. The rest is everything that happened this past week and it could easily double this post. I probably already scared most people away with the length already, and don't want to scare anymore away.)

How it Went

2008-03-28T07:06:00.002-04:00

So I know that this was awhile ago, but I wanted to thank those of you who were praying for me about sharing the gospel with the aide. It went well. Through talking with her, I found out she already goes to Mt. Christian Church, so that was cool. In the short time (only 3 school days) I was with her, I didn't see much fruit. I don't say that at all to judge her, but to give you an idea of why I even felt the need to talk to her as if she weren't a Christian. I don't know if that makes sense to you, I just can't think of another way to say it right now. It's earlier than I like to be awake right now. Ha.

But anyway, I think through that, God was working in me. I tend to shrink back in fear and throw perfect opportunities away, and I knew this time I would have that regret lingering in me again if I didn't talk to her. It was totally by God's grace. I almost didn't talk to her. And, yes, I totally would have made excuses of "well, there wasn't really a good time" or whatever to justify my fear of man. I am not boasting at all in myself, for I know this is perhaps my weakest area, and it was God showing his power to me. That through him, anything is possible.

I really felt like that whole time I wasn't quite sure I was picking the right words and phrases, so I hope it actually makes sense to someone besides me.

Now, I'm off to the first 8 am class of the semester. :) (That's a fake smile, in case you were confused)

Gospel Sharing Opportunity- Prayer Request

2008-03-17T23:33:00.003-04:00

Today I had more field placement and in the classroom, on the teacher's aide's desk was an index card with scripture references. "That's cool, is she a Christian?" I thought. However, under the index card, was a book. I don't remember the title, but it ended with "for the spiritually curious". (And I know this sounds like I was snooping, but I wasn't, the desk is in the room, not an office, and the book was in the open, not in a drawer or anything.) On Sunday, in the UC Class the topic was on evangelism, and Pastor Arie just did a great job stressing the importance and talking about it. So, I have no doubt this is God giving me an opportunity in the most obvious way. However, the timing was bad when I saw the book, as I didn't have time to talk to her about it. I am hoping to bring it up Wednesday when I go back for my final day, but I'm not going to lie: I'm scared to death. This type of evangelism is really hard for me.

I am asking you all to please pray for me. That if the opportunity arises (as in, she has the book out again) I will take it and be able to tell her the gospel, and perhaps even invite her to our Easter service. I'm already getting exciting about the possibility, but I'm nervous. Based on my track record, I will throw another opportunity away. I really need God's help- and your prayers. I don't want to live constantly making excuses.

Thanks so much, in advance, for your prayers!

The Latest in my Life

2008-03-08T14:54:00.003-05:00

So, I realize it's been forever since I've updated and figured rather than dedicating a post to a single subject, I would just give updates on what's happened since I posted about 3 weeks ago.

- School has been going okay. I'm having a hard time getting good grades, but I'm trying to trust God that there's something more to it. I feel like I'm studying so much more and a lot harder, but my grades are no where near what they were last semester. Lately, I've been hearing stuff on God loving us despite our failures, so maybe He's trying to teach me that. I know it's okay to get B's and C's, but when you study like crazy, it can seem like a failing grade.

- I didn't get the scholarship I applied for, but my brother did, and while that seems like yet another failure, I am thankful because I really didn't want the pressure to keep the GPA up. I want to do my best to honor God, not stress myself out over grades to keep a scholarship. So, my parents get the financial burden lifted and I get the grades burdern lifted...and I am pretty sure my brother will have no trouble with the GPA. Praise God for working things out perfectly.

- I've begun my field placement at a local Pre-K class and absolutely LOVE it. After just two times in the classroom I have confirmation that this is exactly what I want to do until the Lord blesses me with a family if that be His will. The teacher is also pretty much how I want to be- full of love but not a pushover. Her students know her rules and she doesn't let them walk all over her. Oh, and the things kids say, especially at that age. My, oh my! It's been hard not to pick favorites...especially the ones who plead for you to come to their "center" or the ones who give you a hug. Priceless.

- Today, we sold the Lexus. As most people know, that car was about the biggest mistake purchase ever made in this house. While we sold it significantly lower than we bought for, all of us are relieved to have it out of our driveway. We made him aware of it's problems, so we didn't rip him off. I told my parents that even though we could hide it's problems, there was no way I wanted to do what was done to us to someone else. It could be pure coincidence that right after we bought it we got all the problems, but I think we let ourselves get ripped off.

- We got a new car on Monday and I love it. Enough said.

- I'm going through the UCC at church and am so grateful that God led me to this place long before I ever knew how important it would be to my spiritual walk. Unless I "fail" the interview, I should be a member at church soon which is a major blessing.

- I am sick now, but am trying to be positive about it. I rarely, rarely get sick. I am serious. Growing up I went probably years at a time without getting anything more than a runny or stuffy nose. The first year I took a math class at the school, I was sick for what seemed like the whole winter. But, that was about 2 years ago, and I can't remember anything major since then. So, while I would normally look at this as "woe is me" I have decided to look at it as a blessing, knowing there are others out there who get sick constantly or worse, are living with a terminal illness and know what it's like to live in constant pain. Believe me, it's not in my nature to not complain about this, but by God's grace, I can see him changing me in this area.

- I mentioned this briefly in a previous post, but I also got blessed with a babysitting job. So, Wednesday caregroup nights are spent with Ethan and Kayla, who are such a blessing. They are so adorable and polite. And, the things Ethan says and the way he says them makes me laugh. Especially when he greet me. "Hey Sehr-wah" (Sehr, just like Behr paint but with an S. He says it really fast and I don't know, you'd have to hear him but it's so cute!) And Kayla apparently prefers Steve over me, but on caregroup nights, she doesn't really get a choice and she's stuck with me. ;)

Well, I think that's about it. What an awesome, trial-filled, grace-filled last few weeks. Thank you, Lord!

Best

2008-02-16T22:22:00.002-05:00

Best Feeling: Holding a baby, or more specifically, an orphan baby in Russia.
Best Knowledge: That God loves me and I cannot lose His love, that He died for me and it cannot be undone, that he cares for me and won't ever stop.
Best Friend: Wow, toughie. I love all my friends and are really close to most of them and I can't pick a "best." However, I am always encouraged by talking with McKenzie. She is so godly and inspiriational, and I know I can talk about personal and spiritual subjects and know she cares and isn't judging me and well, yeah, before I write a book here, she's just amazing!
Best Vacation: I loved Florida.
Best Sight: A father with his daughter (no matter her age.) I also have a thing for sunsets.
Best Book: The Bible.
Best Movie: Too hard to choose. I'm into cute movies.
Best Song: I love Sara Groves "He's Always Been Faithful" and recently Steven C. Chapman's "Cinderella" but my favorites are always changing...
Best Possesion: My doggie. :)
Best Person to tag: Everyone who reads this and has time.

This is where I get my Education

2008-02-12T12:28:00.000-05:00

(click to make it bigger)
Yep, we pay these people lots of money to teach us stuff. Thankfully, spelling isn't one of them. :)

Once Again

2008-02-01T13:30:00.001-05:00

When I found out that I was going to be allowed to go on the Juniors and Seniors missions trip to Mexico this year, I was so excited. I wasn't really expecting it to be allowed, so I tried not to get my hopes us, but when I got the news I could go, I was beyond excited. They don't need me as a chaperone, but as an administrative assistant or something, but that doesn't bother me. I'm still excited! It didn't matter to me what my role is, I just wanted to go because I feel God is calling to me a place that will require me to lay aside comfort, which is my idol.

Anyway, that really isn't what this post is about, that's more the preface.

I found out on Sunday that the trip would be about 500-550 dollars. My first thought was that there is no way I can get that much money in 3-4 months. Even if I save, save, save, my expenses would still gobble up most of my paycheck.

Why would I doubt God for 500 dollars when he supplied 6000 dollars less than a year ago?

I had forgotten about taxes. With tax season comes tax returns (at least for me). I did my taxes last night and learned the news that I would be receiving a LOT of money back, much more than I ever expected. That totally put wind in my sails. And, I also got a Wednesday night babysitting job that will start this coming Wednesday, Lord willing. Based on what they told me they pay and how long caregroup usually goes, I figure if I babysit even 5 times from now until then, I will have the total trip paid for, plus spending money without ever having to take any out of a paycheck.

GOD IS GOOD!

Inspired!

2008-01-27T21:55:00.000-05:00

Today, I got inspired to do two things:

1) Be more wise with my money. For the next month I am going to try spending absolutely nothing beyond the basics: Insurance, Compassion, Cell phone, Gas, Tithe (and this month I will have to pay for college textbooks and my flight ticket from my NH trip) This will be hard. I never considered myself a spender but I spend more now than I used to. Plus, I am going to Mexico in May for a week, Lord Willing, and I need to come up with 500-550 dollars on my own, so saving is a must. Anyway, please pray for me, that this will be a whole lot easier than I anticipate. I am not expecting a huge problem...I love saving money and I'm not a big item spender, just little things (gum, drinks, clearance items at work, etc) here and there that add up, so I just need to resist the little things and I should be fine. Nonetheless, I need God's grace to help me.

2) I was reading an article on the Ungrind website that talked about single girls praying earnestly for a husband, so I want to try that. Everyday for a month I want to pray for a husband. I do sometimes pray now, but it's not a daily practice. Hopefully after a month of being in the habit, it will become a daily practice that will continue for awhile. I know marriage is probably a far way off, but I don't believe it's too early to start.

Those are the two things I got inspired to do...I'm excited about both!

7 Weird Things about Me

2008-01-25T23:09:00.000-05:00

I was tagged by Mrs. Laurie to reveal 7 weird things about me. So here they are:

1) I have this obsession with certain things being even. If I scratch one arm, I must scratch the other so that they feel even, even if it's not itchy. If I put eye drops in one eye, I'll put them in the other, even if it's not dry, but because they need to feel even. My socks must be the same sock. It doesn't matter if they look exactly the same. Both could be all white, ankle-length, but just knowing they're different I can sense they feel different.

2) I [usually] prefer to spend my own money than other people's. Most people have no problem spending other people's money, but I would much rather spend my own because I feel bad taking other people's. I will treat my brother to lunch, buy stuff for the whole family, etc all with my own money, even though it's not for me.

3) I don't listen to secular music. I have strong convictions against secular music, and I rarely, if ever, turn it on. I will listen to it when it's playing in stores, people's cars, or if it's in a movie. I simply don't take the initiative to listen to it most of the time. I'm not even talking bad secular music. Pretty much if it isn't praise or worship, I don't listen to it.

4) I always carry floss and deodorant in my purse. Even worse, I used to carry a lint brush and toothbrush too. I am a hygeine freak, which is good, but it's all grounded in fear of man, which isn't.

5) I am obsessive about crazy things. I will press the lock button several times in the car to insure it's locked. My bedroom door must be completely closed before I will go to bed. It can't just be shut, I have to hear the click or I will not be able to fall asleep. I have to have toilet paper on the roll (or at least under the sink) in the hall bathroom before bed or I can't fall asleep, even though I rarely go to the bathroom in the middle of night. I'm sure there are others that I can't think of right now.

6) I can't wait to be a grandmother. This might not be that weird, but I think it is, because seriously, how many other 18 year olds are totally excited and regularly thinking about being a grandmother? Like most girls, I am looking forward to motherhood (if the Lord wills), but I don't know, there's just something about being a grandmother that sounds really exciting. I'm sure most of it has to do with the fact that I have the best grandmother and I can't wait to be like her. If I can be a grandmother who is partly like my grandmother and part like Mrs. Wilma from church, I'd be truly blessed.

7) I freak myself out driving at night. I am generally laid back and relaxed, but I just may be the most jumpy person when I'm driving at night. You can't really tell by the way I drive (at least, I don't think you can...actually no, now that I think of it, I do sometimes step on the brake quickly for no reason) but inwardly I freak at everything. It could just be a shadow and I'll think it's a person. Leaves will blow in the street and I think it's a deer. I might see a light out of the corner of my eye and think it's a raccoon.

So yeah, some of those things aren't really weird, but I was really trying to rack my brain for something and I was coming up short. Unfortunately, these are going to have to do. Even if they aren't really weird, you now know more about me and how insanely obsessive I can be about stupid stuff.

Approval

2008-01-25T00:22:00.000-05:00

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." (Gal 1:10)

I'm sure most of you, like me, have heard this before. However, as I read it again tonight, it really was thought provoking and convicting. It caused me to examine my life and really see the areas I struggle with most when it comes to approval. Truth is, I HIGHLY value the approval of man. I care way too much what people think about me. I go to great lengths not to stir up trouble (I know this sounds good, but motives are all wrong). I spend way too much trying to make sure I won't say or do something foolish that will make me look bad in front of others.

It really helped me tonight to look to see whose approval I am trying to win. To see who it is I'm trying to please. To once again be reminded that if I am seeking man's approval, I am not being a servant of Christ. They don't go hand in hand, they don't mesh, and really, they don't even overlap. If I'm selfishly seeking man's approval, that's me telling God that what people think about me is more important than what he thinks of me. That's sad. It's ridiculous. Yet, in my pride, I choose not to see it that way. I justify it. Minimize it. Say "I can do both, it's no big deal." But it is, because it's sin, and sin is a HUGE deal.

Lord, help me to care more about the way I represent you, rather than the way I represent myself. Let my thoughts be about how I can bring glory to your name, not recognition to my own. Let me care about what others think-- not about what they think of me, but of you. Lord, you know every motive I have. Please let my motives bring you glory. Help me to see my sin as it really is. I don't want to make light of it. I'm tired of justifying it. Ultimately, I want to be more like you, and you aren't living for man's approval. Keep me focused on the cross, where you humbly died so that I can live for you. Amen.

*Sorry this was so long. My intention was to keep it short and just post the verse. But, as most of you know, I'm terrible at keeping things short when thousands of things are going around in my head.*

Goals for the Spring Semester

2008-01-21T14:50:00.000-05:00

It's that time again-- back to school. Wednesday will be the start of 14 more credits, homework, and tests. It will be a time for learning, trusting, and growing. It will be a time to once again test where I believe my strength and hope come from. So often I get caught up in what needs to get done and it leads me to worrying, allowing myself to become overwhelmed, and it shoves the idea that God is in control to the side. I will often skim through my devotions because I'm too tired. I was awful at sharing my faith. I was so caught up in the "I don't want people to hate me", "I don't want to stir up trouble", and my all-time best excuse: "I can evangelize through actions." While it's great to want to be agreeable, keep the peace, and evangelize through actions, I've been convicted that this really isn't enough.

So, this semester I want to be purposeful in making changes, both spiritual and academic. Hopefully by having people to keep me accountable (you didn't know I was going to suck you into this, did you?) and having them written, I will make an effort to accomplish these goals. In no particular order, here they are:

1) Raise my GPA. Not for the purpose of making the President's list (although that'd be nice, I don't want that to be my goal) but for the purpose of glorifying God. I know if I work my best with an attitude pleasing to God, that is enough, and is my ultimate goal. It would simply be nicer if I worked with a pleasing attitude and raised my GPA all at once. :)

2) Get a scholarship. I am applying for a scholarship that would pay for 2 full years at the community college. I need to get my application and 3 recommendation forms in by February 1. Once I do that, I wait for a call. If I am invited to do the next step, I will go to the school on Feb. 23 to write a 300-500 word essay on a given topic. From there, they will pick 5 people. Please pray if you think about it-- Thanks!

3) Do at least 1 thing extra on campus. I was going to join the Christian club they have, but it meets for Bible study on Tuesdays, and I'm not on campus that day. I don't necessarily need to be in a regular event, just a one time something extra event like a concert, meeting, etc.

4) Be more open about my faith. I don't need, want, or plan to be the Billy Graham on campus, but I don't want to purposefully avoid bringing up my faith for the sake of not making waves. "Evangelizing through actions" is good to a point, but I do want to be more outspoken about God. I am hoping that by having a class with a Christian friend, there will be more opportunity to do this. And, it's in a science class, which could make for some very good opportunities!

5) Spend more time in the Word. I have a 2 hour gap between my classes which would be a great time to get some reading done while it's quiet and I can focus.

Those are the 5 I can think of right now. I might think of some more and add to it, but for now, that's my list.

Some Pictures from my Trip

2008-01-17T16:22:00.001-05:00

Leslie, Meg, Anne, and Me in the lodge at Pat's Peak.

No, I didn't attempt that.

Me and Leslie after a full day of skiing.

Playing Life with Andrew and Dan while the girls were at work.

Malarky is an awesome party game.

Me Skiing!

I'll get more pictures up soon, but the picture uploader just decided to stop working before I was done.

How Great is Our God?

2008-01-15T23:04:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, my friends showed me this video. It is truly amazing. I highly recommend you watch it, even multiple times. The first time I watched it it took me almost half the time to get what was going on, but when I figured it out, WOW, it was amazing. It hits deep. Especially now that I'm in college, with all the temptation that is present. It's so easy to get sucked in. This reminds me that God is everything I want and everything I need. I don't want what this world offers, God is so much more. So, please watch it. It's not very long. It may make you cry, it might give you chills, but it will definitely leave you even more thankful for our awesome Savior, and thinking "Wow, what a great God I have. I am so undeserving of someone so awesome, who loves me so much that he would rescue me from all that."

Let me know what you think of it!

Having a Blast in NH!!!

2008-01-10T00:20:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm still alive...just trying to make the most of winter break. I am up in NH visiting a long time friend and we're having so much fun. I will expand some when I get home, but for now I'm just going to write what we've done, so I don't forget (which is very likely to happen, no matter how much fun it all is)

Friday: Leslie and Anne picked me up at the airport, we got to see Megan, and then that night we babysat for Leslie and Anne's adorable 4 and 7 year old cousins Colleen and Hannah.

Saturday: Slept in, went to a bonfire thing to burn the Christmas tree, then Leslie worked that night while I spent the evening playing games, taking pictures and filming videos with Andrew, Leslie's 7 year old brother. Good times!

Sunday: Went to King of Grace church, which was great. Meg came home with us and we had fun with Katie, another girl from their church. Leslie and Anne had inventory at work that night, but the rest of us had fun.

Monday: My first time ever skiing! It was awesome. And, I got to take lessons with Meg, a first timer, too. I thought it was going to be a group lesson, but it was just Meg and me and the instructor which was great!

Tuesday: Spent the day with Mrs. Sandy as Leslie and Anne had to work 11-6. It was great. Tuesday night we had caregroup and watched youtube videos of babies laughing and other funny stuff. Oh, and how could I forget! I got to meet Mike Huckabee, get his autograph, talk to him, and experience Paparazzi like never before. :) Unfortunately, I accidentally dropped my camera and the battery thing broke. It still works, and I think it can be repaired with some super glue, it's just annoying for now.

Today: Spent the day with Anne as Leslie had to work 11-6. We played monopoly, visited Leslie at work (and got Sobe drinks!), and then Leslie got home and the two of us went out to dinner, which was really nice because so far it's the only time we've had to talk, just the two of us.

Tomorrow: We plan to head to Maine, which should be so much fun. I went there when we came last time, and I enjoyed it, so I'm looking forward to it again. Great photo ops, talking time, and just hanging out. Leslie and Anne both have to work from 5-10, but this family is like my second family. I feel just about as home here as I do at my house, so I don't mind.

Friday: No formal plans yet. Leslie and Anne both have the whole day off, and I don't leave until 7 at night, so I'm sure we'll do something on my last day here. I will definitely miss it here, but we're thinking of making it an annual winter break trip. I hope it works out!

Be home soon with exciting stories about fun times and lessons learned (and I'm not just talking skiing, although the biggest lesson came from that day.)

Merry Christmas!!!

2007-12-25T14:21:00.000-05:00

Have a blessed Christmas everyone!!!

Free Book Giveaway

2007-12-21T18:42:00.000-05:00

Enter Here

(Or don't, because if you don't, then it means a greater chance I'll win. How's that for selflessness? ;))

Baby-sitting

2007-12-16T09:55:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to let all my Chesapeake readers know that I am available for babysitting on Wednesday nights to anyone who may need a babysitter for caregroup. Or, if you don't need a sitter, but hear of anyone who does, feel free to let them know I am available. They would probably have to be fairly close to me or the college (and probably kinda close to where they meet for caregroup), as I would be coming from a class that ends at 6:50.

- I do provide my own transportation
- I don't really have a curfew
- I have babysat for a single child to as many as 5- size doesn't bother me.
- I don't have a set rate. I generally leave it to the parents to decide which is usually whatever they are used to paying for a sitter. I do it because I love it, money is only a bonus, not the reason.

Thanks everyone...I really miss babysitting on caregroup nights and would love to be able to on a regular basis.

A Christmas Wish?

2007-12-13T00:10:00.000-05:00

I just got wished a christmas full of "gigantic hugs, smoochie-smooches, and piggyback rides."

While a little disturbing, it still makes me [die] laughing just thinking about it.

The Cup: Half Full or Half Empty?

2007-12-11T14:35:00.001-05:00

I was listening to something a little while ago that was really good. I don't know who it was, but I'm pretty sure it was on Words to Live By (which I never listen to, but I'm glad I did that night). Anyway I only caught a little of the end, but basically what he was saying was it's not a matter of looking at the cup as half empty or half full, but just to be thankful you have a cup. That was really convicting. While I tend to be more positive, and try not to think negatively, I am a sinner, and the negativity and discouragement do present themselves. Anyway, I loved hearing this, and pray that the next time I'm tempted to see my cup as half empty, I will instead stop and thank God for the cup, no matter what it's filled with. A cup half empty of pain and trials is still indeed a cup half full of God's mercy, grace, and love.

Be encouraged!

"No offense to any Religious People in Here": The Sting of Persecution

2007-11-30T22:44:00.001-05:00

Yesterday in class, I heard a comment that won't leave me. Even now, after nearly a full two days (and a night of sleep), I still can't stop thinking about this comment.

We (well not me, but some of the students and the professor) were talking about school, and one thing led to another, and it got to the topic of private schooling and taxes. My professor said he doesn't want his tax money going to private schools because most private schools are religious schools and he doesn't want his tax money being spent on kids to learn about Jesus, he'd rather it go towards public schools where kids can learn about civil matters. It hurt. It still hurts. It didn't surprise me, but it didn't make it easier. I wish now I could go back and say something. But, I remained silent. I honestly don't know what I would have said. The angry, upset me wanted to say "Well I don't want my tax money going towards murder (abortion) but it does and there is nothing I can do to stop it." The compassionate part of me wanted to share the gospel with him. But the dominate fear of man part of me is what won, and I said nothing. I justify my action by saying that because I don't talk much in class it would have been weird for me to say something. But, I know that is wrong. I am thankful for a forgiving God a God who loves me despite my sins. The persecution I receive is nothing compared to what He recieves.

John 15:18-25- The World Hates the Disciples

18"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. 20Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.'[b] If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. 21They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me. 22If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin. Now, however, they have no excuse for their sin. 23He who hates me hates my Father as well. 24If I had not done among them what no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin. But now they have seen these miracles, and yet they have hated both me and my Father. 25But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: 'They hated me without reason.'[c]

A Christmas Tag

2007-11-27T17:36:00.000-05:00

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? I love wrapping gifts, but I think bags tend to be cuter.

2. REAL OR FAKE TREE? Real (although last year I bought my own small fake tree at work that was labeled the "Dr. Suess Tree" by my coworkers. I'll try to get pictures up sometime before Christmas.)

3. When do you put up the tree? A few weeks before Christmas.

4. When do you take the tree down? A few weeks after Christmas.

5. Do you like eggnog? Yes, but I prefer to mix it with milk so it's not so thick.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? I was really into baby and Barbie dolls.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yep

8. Hardest person to buy for? Probably Dad

9. Easiest person to buy for? Mom or Joel

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I can't think of any.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail, but I only did that one year. I usually just let the family send one out.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Home Alone is a classic for me. In recent years, I've also been enjoying A Christmas Story.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? It varies from year to year. This year, I started on Sunday night and got half my shopping done.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Nope.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Cookies, because that's about the only thing we have out of the ordinary.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? On our tree, colored because it's tradition, but I love the simplicity of white on other trees.

17. Favorite Christmas song? Too hard to choose, but "Mary, did you know?" cuts close to favorite.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Goodness no, even though it came up in psych class and people were naming them!

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Morning.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? The commercialization and the political correctness. Also, I wish everyone could just relax, slow down, be polite, and realize that nothing is being accomplished by complaining and getting angry, and that the world doesn't revolve around them.

23. What I love most about Christmas? Just about everything except what I said in the last question. This is one of my favorite times of the year.

Giving Thanks

2007-11-22T11:05:00.001-05:00

Today is Thanksgiving Day, and I have more to be thankful for than could ever be expressed in writing on this blog (or "Note", for those reading this on Facebook). However, I am going to share a few of the many things. This is definitely one of those "more for me than for my readers" kind of posts, so no need to read through it all if you don't want to.

In no particular order:

- My job. I've had my highs and lows over the past 15 months at work, but through it all, God has been faithful. When I was on the verge of needing to find a new job just to pay bills, God provided by giving me a substantial raise, making it possible for me to work where I love and still pay my bills.

- 12 years at the church I love most. A pastoral staff who cares, and see it as their call in life to shepherd the church. I have grown so much in my walk with God, and I do believe much can be attributed to the training and accountability found within the church.

- The experience of a lifetime- a missions trip to Russia. I never knew I could come to love a place and people so much and so quickly as I did in Russia. While it's a wonderful thing, it is also hard. Sometimes I think if I didn't enjoy it as much I wouldn't miss it as much, but there's no way I would wish that. The experience was a faith builder from the time I first considered a trip to the time I got home. I could talk about this forever, but I'll make myself stop now. :)

- School missions trip to Boston provided many opportunities to grow closer to God and to people. I was able to get to know many classmates a lot better. I may not be friends with some of them today if it weren't for the trip, and I would be missing out on a lot.

- Old friends and new friends. This year has definitely provided me many opportunities to meet new people, and become friends with several. Aside from those I got to know better in Boston, I was able to meet new people in Russia that I will never forget. Also, a trip to Myrtle Beach allowed me the opportunity to get to know Dan, Allan, Jonathan and Maggie a little better, which is awesome. Oh yeah, and the wonderful gift of Facebook that has made it easier to reconnect with old friends, stay in touch with current ones, and meet new ones.

- School. I have some of the best professors and classmates, and I couldn't have asked for a better transition from Christian School/Homeschool to college, particularly a secular one. School has definitely supplied some of the greatest opportunities for me to see God's grace and mercy. As some of you guys know, it's been a trying semester in more than one way. However, as I look back, I continue to see how everything was used to strengthen my faith, and that's not something I would ever trade for what I picture as my ideal circumstances.

- My family. Sure, we're not the Cleavers, and we're not the type of family that makes other families jealous. We certainly don't have our lives together. However, we ARE the family who's house is full of opportunities to be humbled and sanctified. We are the type of family who would make other families say, "We're not so bad after all." And we are a family held together by God's love and grace. As I grow older I can see more clearly why God placed us together. He didn't just randomly select 6 people and label us "Family." He put us together as a part of his perfect plan. So, while sometimes our house feels more like a war zone than a shelter, I have nothing to complain about because I never, EVER have to doubt my family loves me. I can sleep in a warm bed and drive a car to a nice school because my dad works hard every day to provide for us. I can bring home decent grades on my papers because my mom is willing to help. My brothers, well, to keep it short: they are the best.

- Most importantly, I am thankful for my Savior, who saved me from myself and the destructive life I would undoubtedly be living. The God who led me away from the path that leads to eternal misert so that I could walk on the path that leads to a life where I will be forever bowed down at my Father's feet.

I'm 25% Normal

2007-11-11T22:57:00.000-05:00

I took this dumb little 5 question test to see how normal I am, and apparently because of these 5 things, I'm only 25% normal compared to 400k+ who took the same test.

What makes me abnormal, you ask?

1) I'm not too concerned about our environment. (I have so long been against the "green freaks" that it's gotten in the way of me being truly concerned because this is the world God has given us to care for. I am working on it. I just need to find the balance- I do NOT want to be a "green freak" but I do want to make an effort to care because God wants me to. It's not that I purposefully do stuff to pollute, I just don't do stuff that I could be doing like recycling.)
2) I'm not liberal.
3) I do believe in true love (actually, most people did, so this is probably where I got most of my normalcy)
4) Sex isn't what it's all about. (A little more of my normalcy came here, too)
5) My beliefs guide my life.

So the opera part really exists...

2007-11-09T14:19:00.000-05:00

So my brother informed me that after the last song there is a long pause before going into an opera sounding part. Chances are I always turned the CD off before getting to that part, and also, the lyrics sheet doesn't show the opera sounding part and it's very hard to understand (at least for me). The story doesn't sound as cool now, but I am still convinced God used it to speak to me, which is just about as awesome as anything. Sure, I'm disappointed, and I definitely feel like an idiot, but in the end, what really matters is that God used opera (probably my least favorite "singing" ever) to speak to me in a way I probably never would have heard except through that. And, I still learned the new word.

Let's just say that also as a result of this, my humility is growing. :)

Going Crazy

2007-11-09T07:00:00.000-05:00

Last night, I was listening to Casting Crowns latest CD before going to bed and the strangest thing happened. So strange, I thought I was going crazy. No kidding. I really thought that all the research on Schizophrenia was getting to me, and that I was hearing things no one else was hearing. Anyway, the CD was playing just fine, then it just stopped. I was too tired to roll over to see what had happened. "Did an hour really pass and the sleep timer turned it off?" I doubted it, but just decided to forget about it. Then, after a long pause, an opera sounding song came on. Hmm...I didn't remember this from any of the other times I've listened to it. I couldn't make out any of the words except something about revulse the world. I was like, "I've never even heard of that word, I need to look it up in the morning." (Limited vocabulary here. :)) I was so convinced I was going crazy that I asked Joel if he heard it. "Does it sound sad?" He agreed, it sounded sad. Good, I wasn't going crazy. Or was I? So I replayed song number 10, and I fast forwarded through the whole thing. Nothing sounded opera. Nothing. Oh no, I was going crazy. So, I asked Joel again. "Joel, you heard that song that sounded sad, right?" Yeah, he heard it. "Do you remember any of the words?" He hadn't. Oh well, at least he heard it. And I can't blame him for not being able to understand opera.

So this morning, I looked up the word revulse and it means "To pull back with force." I am convinced that God gave that song just for me. Lately I've been realizing that I'm making small compromises. The kind of compromises that don't seem that big, but are the ones that start you down a steep decline in no time. I believe it was God telling me to pull back with force from the world. Revulse from the world. I needed to hear that. Apparently so much He had to make me think I was going crazy to learn it.

And, yay for learning new words, especially ones that get underlined in red because they aren't recognized as real words by blogger. :)

Oops!

2007-11-05T07:07:00.000-05:00

I was skimming through my post about God being the leader, and I realized I said something about life being easy if you just let God lead. I should have said it would be easier (at least for me) if I trusted God to lead, as life is not often, if ever easy. I don't want non believers reading this (if there are any) to think that if they just give their life to Christ, everything is smooth sailing and nothing will ever go wrong.

Anyway, it's now changed. Sorry about that!

This Pretty Much Sums Me Up!

2007-10-25T22:01:00.001-04:00

I took the test that Mrs. Beth introduced on her blog. I thought maybe I would mess up my results because I would say "Oh that's the one, wait...this is more like me" but in the end, it's right on!

Your Brain Usage Profile:

Auditory : 50%
Visual : 50%
Left : 56%
Right : 43%

Sarah, you are somewhat left-hemisphere dominant with a balanced preference for auditory and visual inputs. Because of your "centrist" tendencies, the distinctions between various types of brain usage are somewhat blurred.

Your tendency to be organized and logical and attend to details is reasonably well-established which should afford you success regardless of your chosen field of endeavor, unless it requires total spontaneity and ability to improvise, your weaker traits. However, you are far from rigid or overcontrolled. You possess a degree of individuality, perceptiveness, and trust in your intuition to function at much more sophisticated levels than most.

Having given sufficient attention to detail, you can readily perceive the larger aspects and implications of a situation or of learning. You are functional and practical, but can blend abstraction and theory into your framework readily.

The equivalence of your auditory and visual learning orientation gives you two equally effective sensory input systems, each with distinctive features. You can process both unidimensionally and multidimen- sionally with equal facility. When needed, you sequence material while at other times you "intake it all" and store it for processing later.

Your natural ability to use your senses is also synthesized in your way of learning. You can be reflective in your approach, absorbing material in a non-aggressive manner, and at other times voracious in seeking out stimulation and experience.

Overall you tend to be somewhat more critical of yourself than is necessary and avoid enjoying life too much because of a sense of duty. You feel somewhat constrained and tend to sometimes restrict your expressiveness. In any given situation, you will opt for the rational, and learning of almost any type should be easy for you. You might need certain ideas explained to you in order to fit them into your scheme of things, but you're at least open to that!

"Let ME be YOUR Guiding Light"

2007-10-23T11:57:00.001-04:00

I was driving home from classes. It was dark. The road (same one I had my crash) was winding and narrow. I've driven that road many times, and driving it at night was something I've done numerous times as well. So what made last night different? Well, usually when I come home from classes, I'm usually the first car of a few, or the only one. I usually have to pay very close attention, take it slow, use my high beams (and turn them off every 20 seconds because a car is coming towards me), and just drive super carefully and stay alert. Last night I was driving as usual, but realized it was a lot easier than it typically is. I wondered why, and realized it was because there was a person in front of me, leading the way, lighting up the path. He was the one who had to concentrate on flipping his high beams on and off. I knew whatever might jump out of the surrounding woods unexpectedly he would see first, and I could just apply my brakes, following his lead.

And that's when it hit me! Hard. The harsh reality that I needed to become aware of was thrown in my face, but gently, because it was God saying it. Here is what he said: "See how easy it is? Life could be easier if you just trusted me to guide you. It's not your place to lead your own life. You gave your life to me, and it is my place to lead you. To protect you from the winding curves and the valleys that life's path consists of. It's your job to follow my lead when something unexpected jumps in your path. You still need to be alert, but you don't need to worry because I'm in control. I'm the first to know what is going to happen, so TRUST me. Trust me with your life. It's not going to be easy at first, but in the long run it'll serve you most to trust me."

I tend to be a follower in general. I prefer to take orders rather than give them. But for some reason, when it comes to my own life, I feel like everything is going to go wrong if I'm not in the drivers seat. Obviously, the opposite is true, but my pride distorts my reality.

So, I encourage you today to evaluate your life and see if you are trying to be in control or if you have given up that control to God. I am not saying this to demean anyone, or to be self righteous because I have yet to give up the control. I go through phases of trusting God, but it has yet to be a way of life for me as it should.

If you have any testimonies in the area of trust and control, I would love for you to share them in the comment box, or post them on your own blog and let me know in a comment.

After much prayer and studying...

2007-10-17T19:53:00.000-04:00

I didn't have to take the test after all! He's going to let me just take the remaining two tests and count them as three. I just don't understand God's grace at all. I mean, I understand it, he's a loving. merciful God and he can do anything he wants, but I just don't understand why he would choose to extend such love and mercy towards me.

Thank you all for praying!

Test Tonight...

2007-10-17T10:38:00.001-04:00

I am able to take the science test (more with that story later) but am really nervous about it. Please pray I do well. I will be taking it about 7:20 tonight. I fought pretty hard to be able to take this test, and it would be embarrassing to do poor.

Thanks!

Homeschool Resource Help

2007-10-14T13:18:00.000-04:00

For my English course at school we were allowed to pick any topic we wanted for our research paper. I got some help from the professor and decided on the topic "Advantages and Disadvantages of Homeschooling" I was just wanting to see if any of the homeschool moms out there have read books or articles on homeschooling that would have content like this, whether in your years of homeschooling, of books you read while considering if it was right for you and your children.

Thanks!