Forgiven and Loved

Our sins have been removed as far as the east is from the west.

That floors me.

Just today, as I was driving, I was pondering. Thinking how necessary the judicial system is, yet how unlike God it is. Maybe that's why we have difficulty comprehending His ways sometimes.

In our society, criminal offenses are, understandably, ranked according to "major" and "minor" offenses and punished accordingly. Littering is a little sin that rarely gets anyone in trouble, speeding isn't a huge offense, but it's a common one, and things like murder can get you life in prison.

But in God's eyes, sin is equal. It all contributed to His son's death on the cross. He doesn't keep a criminal record on us. He doesn't rank our sin. He doesn't have laws where telling a lie gets us a greater punishment than murder or rape.

And there's no such thing as life in hell without parole.

You can be forgiven from the "unpardonable" without any more effort than a little sin because Jesus has already paid the penalty for all sins and it requires no "effort" (read: it's not works-based). He took what we deserved. And no I don't understand it, but I do believe it.

And even though police officers will set out speed "traps" trying to catch us doing something wrong, Jesus doesn't. When we've been forgiven, he sees us the way the Father sees us. He's not waiting for us to stumble, he's waiting to catch us when we do. He's not waiting for us to mess up, he's waiting to forgive us when we ask because we did.

You can lose your license for repeated traffic offenses. If God treated us that way, we'd be done. "Sarah, I see this is the 483rd time you've done this. I'll have to take your Christianity away." It just doesn't work that way. We might stumble so many times that we feel we could never represent Christ well.

 But oh the beauty of grace. I am forgiven. And loved. And always will be.

Quotes that sound good... But aren't really true

I feel like my facebook is always bombarded with those pictures that people keep sharing and liking. Some are good, and some just sound good. Here are some of the latter.

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into place." Lucille Ball

Is that in 1st Me 1:01? Because I'm pretty sure we're to love (others) because Christ first loved us. I don't remember ever reading that Jesus loved himself so much that he gave His only Son to die.

"I don't have time to hate people who hate me because I'm too busy loving people who love me."

The Bible has lots to say about loving your enemies, and about it really not being a big deal to love those who love you because it's easy. Instead, it says to love those that hate you, because that's going to be a sign to others that Christ lives in you.

Are there any quotes you've read or heard lately that just make you think, "that certainly sounds good, but it's really not true?"

Three ways to be a Man without Leading a Girl on

Alright guys, you want to be a gentleman, but you don't want crazy girls analyzing every word you emphasized and move you made in search of a hint that you like her. Right? I can relate. Not as a guy, of course, but a girl who has to listen to other girls interpret your words and actions. Anyway, so here's my advice to you guys, and my only suggestion is that whatever manly things you do for girls, make sure you don't single a girl out with your actions UNLESS you truly are trying to single her out. :)

1. If it's after dark, or late, walk a girl to her car, even if you're not leaving quite yet. Especially on campus or in big parking lots. Even if there are multiple girls walking out, offer to walk the whole group out. Girls will almost never ask you to walk them out, and they will most often say "not to worry about it" if you offer, so phrase it in such a way that girls don't feel bad. "Hey, can I walk you out?" or "Let me walk you out" will sound more like you want to do this for them then "Do you want me to walk you out?" which could be taken as "I will if you want me to, but I'm sure hoping you don't."

2. Unless you know a girl is anti-hugging, then hug her if you are hugging other girls. Don't hug some and high-five others within the same group (I don't know any girls who like high fives, by the way, just as a side note). And on that note, if a girl doesn't want to be hugged, respect that. Either you creep her out, or she has good reasons (such as past abuse).

3. If it's exceptionally late, or the weather is bad, or you know a girl is stopping for gas after dark, then ask her to text you when they get home. Sometimes it's nice to know someone besides our parents care if we get home okay.

So there you have it guys. Nothing major, not a long list, just a few simple ways you can let girls know you care for them like sisters. Just to reiterate, DO NOT SINGLE A GIRL OUT UNLESS YOU TRULY ARE INTERESTED IN PURSUING SOMETHING WITH HER. Otherwise, you will be the topic of tear-fest girls nights (if there was such thing) as your every action and words are compared to what you did for other girls. If you single a girl out that you don't like, well, that's just not very manly. ;-)

Fine print: Some girls may not feel the same way about this as I do, so don't feel discouraged if you get rejected a time or two.

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day... Single Awareness Day...February 14th...Call it what you want, it's typically a difficult day for those who aren't in a relationship. At least, it has been for me the past several years that I've been old enough to be considered a true single (which in my book means old enough to legally marry--18-- but not in a relationship).

But something was different this year. On December 27th, I decided that I would stop focusing on (read: idolizing) a relationship and instead pursue my first and greatest love, Jesus Christ. I have devoted this minimum of 6 months specifically to grow and change (by God's grace, with His help) into the kind of woman and wife that I believe God desires to me to be based on His Word. I have committed to praying for my future husband and our marriage, and for myself as a wife, daily during this time.

As a result, Valentine's Day was very different for me this year. Instead of focusing on the ONE thing I DO NOT have, I found myself immensely grateful for all the I do have. An amazing family who encourage and support me, wonderful friends who inspire me to strive for godliness, a new job complete with great students and supportive staff, and an abundance of other blessings.

Additionally, today I found myself hopeful. Rather than wallowing in self-pity, feeling like I'll never find the earthly love that I want, I found myself excited and hopeful that one day, hopefully soon, my heavenly Love will bless me with a husband that I could never have even dreamed about. This change in heart and perspective is most certainly not from me (those that know me well know how true this is! ;-)), but from God, and I am thankful for what He is doing in my life.

For those of you who are single like me, I can empathize with you. You might be, like me, watching a sibling get married soon. You may be experiencing jealousy towards a younger sibling who entered a relationship before you did. You may have been out tonight watching hundreds of couples celebrate a romantic dinner together. You may have scrolled through your Facebook news feed and seen mushy messages and statuses posted by friends in love, and all the pictures of their gifts. Can I assure you that I know how painful that can be? There is no magical solution for contentment. There is nothing I can say that will make it easier to get through Valentine's Day as a single. I won't repeat the thousands of cliches we singles hear daily from well-meaning non-singles who have deemed themselves experts on love and relationships and have the perfect formula for us "if we want to get married." It hurts, I know it does. I've cried and I've gotten angry by these comments. But there is one "cliche" I'd like to remind you of today. And this is it:

Jesus is the only love you need, and He loves you more than any spouse every will.

A look back at 2011

Highlights of 2011, in no particular order:

- Graduation
- My brother's engagement to Dee, my soon-to-be SIL that I am so thankful for!
- My younger brother's relationship with his girlfriend, Ambrey
- Buying my first car (let's see if that's a highlight in 2012 when it starts needing repairs ;-))
- My youngest brother's new school, which he loves
- Adopting Reilly, our sweet, loveable Golden
- Family reunion with my dad's side of the family
- Trip to camp in the summer
- Celebrating my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary and my parents' 25th!
- Having all my mom's sisters in at the same time in October
- Family (sans older brother and his fiancee) vacation to Myrtle Beach
- NEXT conference to Orlando, Florida
- Everything that God is doing in our family
- Many more I'm sure I'll sure I think of as soon as I click "Publish Post" ;-)

The End of a Year, the End of a Season

Along with countless other bloggers, here I am reflecting on the year, amazed that 2011 is coming to an end. For many people, this was "just another year," whereas for me, it was the final year in a 4 year season. On December 15th, I walked out of a local elementary school having just completed my final day of student teaching, my final day of undergraduate college. It will all become official on January 8th.

As my final day of college approached, I spent many moments reflecting on the past four years of my life. I feel like I can say these were the best four years of my life. It sounds so cliche to say I found myself, or that I changed so much, in college, but that truly is what happened by the grace of God. Entering community college in August of 2007, I was still a child, scared of what the world would bring. Now, in December of 2011, I am an adult, excited for what God will bring.

I recount the many times God was faithful in sustaining me through a day followed by sleepless nights. I think about the many car rides I shared with friends to school, the many children I got to teach, the many relationships I formed that I didn't deserve.

While I didn't "do college" the way many do, where you sleep through alarms, skip classes, get drunk on the weekends, and sleep with the guy of the week, I am able to look back on college with no regrets. The Lord was so gracious to me spiritually and academically. I believe in academic integrity, so even when it meant a possibility in lost points, I was able to be honest in all assignments, and only by God's goodness were my grades never affected even when there was certainly reason for points to be taken off (such as the time my brother deleted a video I needed and I had to re-record and turn it in late). I don't say this to brag on myself; of my own will, I could not write this testimony today. There were times I was so tempted to tweak my wording so that I was "technically telling the truth" or write an answer that someone said aloud during a test that I shouldn't have heard. But, God always prompted me to be honest, convincing me no grade was worth my integrity. I will graduate with a satisfying GPA, but more importantly, I will graduate with a testimony of God's faithfulness.

During my college years, I met friends that have become the closest and dearest to me. Friends I don't deserve, but have been blessed abundantly by. Friends who have helped me academically and spiritually, who have encouraged me when I was weak, made me laugh when I was stressed, let me cry when I was in the valleys. Friends who didn't give up on me when I was too busy to spend time with them, or when all I did was "take" because I was already "spent" by the time I got together with them.

And above the support of my friends, the support of my family, particularly my parents, was what made college possible. My parents paid for my tuition and let me live at home free of charge, so that my costs were low. Particularly during student teaching, when I was only making 45 dollars a week, they would often float me money to keep me from over-drafting and to make sure I had gas in my tank. They supported me academically. Although I'm an adult, it meant so much to me that they took interest in my academic life and expressed how proud they were of me, and they made sure I always knew that their love was unconditional and not dependent on my school performance.

To everyone who had a part in my college years, whether that means praying for me, being a friend, providing babysitting/housesitting jobs for income, encouraging me, etc., know that I am so thankful for you! I couldn't have looked on these years with the same fondness if it weren't for you.

I wish I had the words to express all my thoughts and gratitude to God for these years. But, since I don't, let me end by saying I look forward to the years ahead living out my calling as a teacher. I look at God's faithfulness to me these past four years, knowing that I will continue to be blessed throughout the job searching process and my years as a teacher. Whenever I'm tempted to doubt God's goodness, faithfulness, or love, I can look back on these years and be reminded of these things.

A Lifetime Commitment

Ever since I was a young girl, I dreamed of being a wife. I couldn't wait to get married and become a mom. That desire has never gone away and is stronger now than ever before. A few weeks ago, though, I was thinking about marriage and the thought was overwhelming. The idea that, if God's plan is for me to be married, that I will find one man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Someone that I will love so much I couldn't imagine a day going by without loving him. A man I love so much that every day my love grows for him. A man who will I see at his worse and still won't want to be with anyone else. This thought seems overwhelming, likely because I haven't yet found someone to love that way. But, at the same time it excites me so much. I can't wait to find that one guy God has planned for me to be with and love for the rest of my life. Someone I grow old with and laugh with, someone I can follow and serve and support and encourage.

Then, I thought about all the people who thought they found this love, only to become discontent in the marriage. Whether after a few short years, or many long years, marriages are crumbling in this culture. We blame children, we blame work, we blame life. We're too quick to give up on things when they aren't going the right way, and this carries into marriage. Commitments aren't taken seriously. A wife gets a terminal illness so the husband chases a healthy woman. A husband goes through a busy season at work and the wife finds someone who has more time for her. Lies. Shame. Guilt. Trust is broken, and hearts are shattered. It makes me sad that we live in a culture that doesn't value marriage the way it was designed. It gets hard and we give up. Someone "better" comes along, so we walk out thinking we found the answer to a happy life. Hollywood glamorizes this. If you Google "Movies with adultery" you'll get over 4 million results. If that doesn't surprise you, how about this? If you Google "songs about divorce" you'll get over 21 million results and "movies about divorce" yields over 62 million. Songs about marriage doesn't even result in 16 million. Hollywood is making millions dollars off making infidelity funny or heart-gripping. Our children are being exposed to this twisted mindset. 2/3 of divorcing couples have minors in the home. 50% of first marriages end in divorce and who are the majority of people getting divorced? Adults whose parents were divorced. Marriages end because of "irreconcilable differences," but I'm not convinced there's such thing. This is crazy to me.

I want to fall in love. I want to love the same man more and more every day of my life. I want to be in the 50% of marriages that last, but more than that, I want to be in a marriage built on Christ asking myself, "How can I be more like Christ in this relationship? How can I love my husband the way Christ calls me to love him?"

To some, this seems like a little girl's fairytale, but to me, I truly believe it's possible because of Christ. And I can't wait for the day I say "I do" to a lifelong commitment. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse... all the days of my life.

Too Used to Sin

For those that have had the joy of driving in my car (*wink*) in the past several months, you know that my car was not a luxury ride... in fact, it was quite annoying. Why? Because the roof latch broke, so the roof was constantly rattling. At times it shook so badly and was so loud that you'd think the car was about to fall apart. My carpool girls were always so gracious by saying it "isn't that bad," but I was embarrassed when people drove with me. It was awful when it came to having conversations. If the windows were down (which often they had to be, due to no working AC), it was next to impossible to do anything buy yell to communicate. I got used to it and it rarely bothered me, but I was very aware of it when people were with me, and I was always apologizing for it.

Anyway... as of last night, this is a non-issue. My dad got the part for the car and fixed it. You'd think I would have noticed right away that it wasn't rattling. But I didn't. I had gotten so used to the constant noise. However, after a bit of time into my ride, I noticed the quiet, and rejoiced in the absence of the noise.

And, it got me thinking how that constant noise is like sin in my life. Sin becomes so much a part of me that I rarely notice it until I sin around others and find myself embarrassed and apologetic. Unlike the car roof, sin is not an easy fix. At least not in my life. And even though at times I may struggle less in certain areas, I'm never immune to it. With God's help, I will continue battling sin until the day I die. But, how wonderful it is to know that at the cross my sins were paid for by the blood of Jesus. I am no longer a slave to sin. I am forgiven, always. Hallejuah!

Waiting for Life to Begin

"I can't wait to do that... after I graduate."

These are the words I find myself continually thinking and saying lately. I have fallen into the mindset that once I graduate, then life will start.

"I can't wait to go on summer missions trips... once I graduate and have a real job."
"I can't wait to be more involved in such and such... once I don't have homework taking up all my time."
"I can't wait to go back to work at camp... once school it over and I don't have summer classes."
"I can't wait until I'm not so busy... after I graduate."
"I can't wait to buy a car... after I graduate."
"I can't wait to move out... after I graduate."

While I don't think there is anything wrong with me being excited about the opportunities I will have once I graduate, it is wrong that I've become so graduation-focused that I've lost sight of the many opportunities I have NOW. But, when I think about-- really think about it-- I realize that many of things I'm looking forward to are under the assumption that with graduation comes a job and a salary. That's not promised to me.

But, what it promised to me is God's faithfulness. And He is abundantly faithful to me as I write 12 page case studies...as I teach lessons that flop... as I stay up until 2 or 3 am multiple nights in a row writing papers... as I fill up my gas tank a little at a time because money is tight.

I want to be thankful and content right where I am now. As I dream of the future, I want to be content in the present. As I long for independence... I want to be content in my dependence. As I desire more opportunities to travel the world... I want to be content in my local commute to school and work.

Life has already begun... I'm not waiting on anything I need that I don't already have. Everything that has been promised to me is already being fulfilled regardless of my circumstances.

I just need to start living in these promises, not living for the future. Life is now. I don't want to waste it away in shallow dreams and uncertainties when I have big callings and promises already.